New Year Eve

Ok what a busy morning I had. I went to get my clothes from the seamstress. I had to have them taken in about 2 sizes. But it was cheaper than buying new ones. Then to Costco to get my wonderful son his 18th birthday cake. It was a monster chocolate cake. (Ya I will be able to smell it and that's it :). I couldn't say no because this weight loss issue is all me. I own it. He deserves that cake. If I am not strong enough to not take a taste than I am an idiot.(Which I am not). Then I went to the gym. I have increased the speed on the treadmill. Honest to God I can not believe what I can do now.  Its frickin crazy. I use to nearly die walking up stairs and now I do a mile and half each day, sometimes more. Than I go and workout on the equipment.  Each week amazes me on how I can keep improving. You know what when I come home, I dont feel like I'm dying, infact I have more energy than I have had in years.

Weigh in results.

Ok it was pretty close I lost 2.5 lbs. I am pleased but I know next week I am going for another 5lbs. Ya that is a BIG request. But I am up for it. New years eve, not worried so much. New Years is my son's 18th Birthday. I am going to take him to the local Indian casinos. I think I mentioned this before. I am pretty excited. I love slot machines. I haven't been to the Indian casinos since my daughter turned 18 and that was about 5 years ago. I took her too Las Vegas for her 21's and that was a blast. I don't do much but slots. I rarely go, but do love em. Well the rain has stopped here today and its very sunny, but chilly. Going to Gym around noon with my DD. Should be fun.  I noticed my post still dont update on my followers, still do not know what I am doing wrong. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Wednesday and raining

Gotta love So Cal's weather. It is as crazy as we are. Well today is weigh in and as of this AM I weighed another 3 lbs down. Of course as of 5 pm tonight who the fuck knows what my weight is. Waagh.  I so want to lose weight. I have been pushing the fluids, eating what I am suppose to eat and exercising my ass off (which is a good thing if you have ever seen my ass). Yesterday I went 1.60 miles on the tread mill at 2.7 . I know that may or may not be fast enough, but for my fat ass. Its a blooming miracle. Then I work out on the weights. LOL I wake up in the morning all stiff and crap from my work outs. I was thinking "is it ever going to get easier". The it came to me why it isn't. Because at each workout I push myself to do better than the last one. (Ya, I am a blonde).   Well, I will let you know how I did tonight. Take care.

Tuesday and sunny

Well, just came back from the mall with my son and daughter. I needed to get new work out pants, mine hang like a tent on me. I tried on a 1x and they fit like a charm. I was a 3x. I was smiling from ear to ear. What a great feeling. Soon, I hope to be out of the plus sizes, that day will come. Gonna go to the gym with my daughter a little later. I dont see the scale moving. I am surprised but I can let that get me down. I am doing everything right. Weigh in is tomorrow, so we will see. One thing I forgot to mention, I was able to walk the entire mall without any exhaustion. And the malls in So Cal are pretty darn big. I also did not feel like a freak being so fat. Oh what a feeling. :)

Day after hangover

Man I was sick last night about 1am, from a Prime rib hangover. I haven't had meat/beef for 3 months. It was so yummy. But I couldn't control my intake of this masterpiece. Mind you, that is the only thing I had off my diet, I even drink tons of water to compensate. But at 1:00 am, I was hurting, my stomach was dying and I ended up puking, stayed up drinking water and watching Psych which was on TV.  What a dope I was. I feel so bad since my weigh in to Allan was only 2 lbs loss.  It should have been more. Of course, without thinking I was in a hurry to go to Kohls and the gym, I hadn't gone # 1 or 2. Sorry about TMI. I learned my lesson.

Merry Christmas

What a great day.  I have the standing rib roast in the oven. I sliced up a bunch of radishes(for me to nibble on when everyone else is nibbling on Christmas stuff). I brought in a 6-pack of water for me to drink thru out the day.  I am all set. Like I said, I will have a small slice of the roast. Steamed Brussels sprouts and roasted carrots-no oil. I am also cooking mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, (with a half cup of plain green beans for me). Biscuits and the family has a pumpkin pie and a fruit tray for the dessert table. No dessert for me. But I will celebrate with a coke zero.(shit I love that drink)

What a wonderful day! Everyone God bless.

Why oh why

I cant figure out why my updates don't post to my followers? Allan thought it might be a feed issue. This sounds right, but I cant figure out how to fix. Any suggestions?

Water

From CNN website. This is just a FYI

Can drinking lots of water help you lose weight?

Every weekday, a CNNHealth expert doctor answers a viewer question. On Friday, it's Dr. Melina Jampolis, a physician nutrition specialist.

Question asked by Tony of Shelton, Connecticut:
Is it true if you drink lots of water, it will help you to lose weight? Is it bad for your body if you consume too much of it?
Expert answer:
Hi, Tony. Research does suggest that drinking plenty of water may help you lose weight. An abstract by Dr. Brenda Davy, associate professor of human nutrition, foods and exercise at Virginia Tech, presented at last year's obesity conference in Phoenix, Arizona, showed that people who drank two glasses of water 20 to 30 minutes before every meal lost weight more quickly initially and lost significantly more weight than those who didn't.
In another study by Davy and her group, published last year in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association, she found that people who drank water before meals ate an average of 75 fewer calories at that meal. This may not seem like much, but if you ate 75 fewer calories at lunch and dinner for the next year, you could lose about 14½ pounds! In addition, being even 1 percent dehydrated can cause a significant drop in metabolism, which can also interfere with weight loss.
Finally, it is very difficult for the body to differentiate hunger from thirst. If you don't drink enough water throughout the day, you may mistake thirst for hunger and eat more than you really need, which can also impair weight loss. So staying well hydrated is important, particularly if you are trying to lose weight. And don't forget to eat lots of water-based foods like soups, vegetables and low-fat dairy, which are equally important for weight loss, as they lower the calorie density of meals. That can help you reduce calories without reducing portions.
To answer the second part of your question, yes, drinking massive amounts of water (gallons and gallons) can cause a dangerous condition known as hyponatremia (low sodium levels in the blood), which can cause confusion, irritability and seizures and may even lead to a coma.
This condition is very rare in healthy people but can sometimes be seen in the elderly or in endurance athletes who sweat significantly and drink water only to replace lost fluids. Most people should be far more concerned with not drinking enough water versus drinking too much

Now it's "The Eve"

While I am sitting her drinking my Lipton Sparkling strawberry/kiwi green tea with zero calories, shit that stuff is good. I need to tell you about something that happened last night. I was on my facebook and I noticed my niece's new pix she posted, then I came across one the she had taken while we were at my other niece's wedding early this summer. She was actually taking a pix of her mom (my SIL) and there I was in the pix sitting behind her mom. I just stared at this pix if was awful. I mean, I was gross. So fucking disgustingly fat. Mammoth! I just stared at this picture, then I cried. How can that be me. How could I have showed my face to my family. What were they thinking when they saw me.  I was so ashamed. You know we fat people rarely get our picture taken and looking in the mirror I guess we dont really see our self as we are. Even now, it is so awful.  Jesus I could of,  should of, had a heart attack and mostly likely would have if I kept going.  I am glad I saw this picture though (in a sick way). this will keep me on track. The shame I felt and still feel is over whelming.

The other day I went  see my DD after the gym and she told, boy you are looking so good. And I laughed and said ya as good as a 266 lb woman could look.   Now believe me I am not taking it lightly that I have lost 39 lbs since 10/13/10 by any means. I am so fucking happy. But I will not stop until I get to look normal again. So sorry for such a downer post.

The eve of "The Eve"

OK, still flying high from last night weight loss. Went to Costco this AM got there right when it opened and it was great not too many people at all. Then went to the gym and worked out. Right now I am drinking my protein shake. Yummy. 

Wow, we had some crazy ass weather here. The most rain within 20 years. Just past my daughters house (about 7 doors down) there is this massive sink hole. The people on the north side are trapped. This is a dead end cul de sac street. What a bitch that is, especially at Christmas. They cannot leave in their cars to go any where. I would say there is about 20 homes trapped. The crew are working nonstop to try to fix part of the road so that at least people can come and go.  Today the weather is much better, we should see rain again until Sunday. Which is great as there is a NCAA bowl game here tonight. The stadium was flooded, but they worked all night and today on it to get it fixed. I cant wait to watch it.

Ok, I need some help here. I plan on going off my diet on Christmas. Now before you tell on me to Allan, I still want to stay under 1200 calories. I am just going off the shakes for the day. I am cooking a standing rib roast(Yum) and roasting and steaming a bunch of fresh veggies. I also will cook other things that everyone else will eat, you know, yams, potato's, gravy biscuits and on... Just like Thanksgiving, where I ate a bit o turkey and stuffing(1/2 cup) and roasted veggies. I still lost 2 lbs that week. I wont partake in dessert :(. But, I am wondering  about the rib roast. Maybe 3 oz? not sure, I bet it is high in calories. But, any other suggestions would be helpful plus positive thoughts my way. :)

Yeah me

Ok, I went to the weightloss program and had my weigh in and I am down 5 lbs. Yeah, I am glad the weight loss was more than last week. The increase of exercise and water was a big help. I hope to keep up this hard work through the holidays.

Man did we have some rain. I will talk about it later. Its getting late here and Im pretty tired. Didnt sleep much last night due to the storm. Sweet dreams everyone.

Its raining men hallelujah

I wish... Nope just raining like crazy. I know, everyone has it so much worse. I agree, but we usually dont get much rain. I am still home on vacation, so I dont have to drive in it too much, just to the gym and thats only about 20 minutes.  Might have to starting draining the pool it is about to over flow.

Been really good on the diet, and just pushing the fluid. I am kinda excited for tomorrows weigh in. I think it should be an improvement. I hope.  Geez it is sooo pouring rain outside gosh o' mighty.

Monday, while I was at the gym, I was on the treadmill and I saw a bunch of cute kids dressed in their karate clothes, their class is  in the back of the gym. There was this one little girl with a tray of goodies that she must have got in class. She is standing next to this woman, who I recognized and I call out her name and she comes over. This woman is in my weight loss class. And we start talking, she ask how often I come her, told her I actually had a membership for years. (I hang my head in shame). But just started using faithfully since I joined the weightloss program. She said she use to have one but cancelled it and just takes kids to class here. She said she should sign back up. Of course I am thinking, ya you should since it is part of the requirments of the weightloss program we are in.
Now dont get me wrong, I like this lady, she is a teacher and really nice. But this weightloss program is not cheap by any means, and if you are going to pay for the special program which includes lab, MD visits and buying their shakes and other stuff. You need to give it all you can to get your moneys worth. I hate wasting money.

Raining cats and dogs

Wow it is really raining here in So Cal. And it is to last most of the week. But should be nice on Christmas day. Most of my shopping is done except for stocking stuffers. But, I think I might pass on that today. Who knows? I am heading off to the gym after I finish this post.

I noticed some of the tallies on Allan's website. Incredible! Good job all of you big losers(that doesn't sounds right, but you know what I mean).

After the gym, I think I'll  visit my DD for a bit. Everyone have a great day.

Rainy Sunday

OK, sent my weight to Allan, down 3 lbs. wahooo. Drank a bottle of water, went to Gym worked out for 45 minutes. Came home and had a couple of HMR shakes about 32 oz each. Time to wrap gifts. Think I am gonna take it easy. Enjoy  the rain and my two weeks off. Not gonna go shoppin today, oh hello NO. Yesterday, before I went to the gym, I stopped off at Costco. OMG it was frickin packed. But the lines went fast. Actually it was kinda fun. Didnt buy much except for my labs (3 of them). DD took the fourth one with her when she moved out. Gotta love dogs.

Hope everyone did well on the DDD. Good luck to all.

Friday and I am so happy

OK, first off yesterdays weight loss wasn't a fluke,(Yeah!) I weighed this AM and I am down 0.10 lb. lol Well, at least it didn't go back up. Yesterdays Christmas party at Sammy's Woodfire pizza went great. I brought my own coke zero. I ordered a Greek salad without dressing and olives. It basically was Romaine, spinach, Japanese cucumbers and couple slices of red onion (as in 2 only) and some feta cheese (which I tried to avoid) and tomatoes. I though it was really good. And you know what, I didn't even need salad dressing. It was fresh tasting and good. I guess you dont realize how good things are in their natural state when you are so use to having gobbs of dressing covering it. (I too was surprised) I ate half. So it goes to show ya, it can be done with a little planning. I do wonder about the feta cheese though, I hope it wasnt too high in calories, it was very little and I would skip around it.

On some neat news. I will be off for two weeks on vacation from work.(Will try to post pic while off)  Ya baby, give me some sleep! I will have to hit the gym versus the walk at lunch. But the good news, my DD and her roommate joined the gym and now we can go together. SWEEEEET. Everyone have a very safe Weekends.

Oh Ya GO CHARGERS. (native SD Charger fan). :)

Geez

OK, so I didn't lose much at all, less than 2 lbs.  I was so discouraged.   I have really amped it up with walking and treadmill and such. I wake up every AM stiff from the day befores exercise. Drinking water like its going out of style. So man, I was bummed. I almost gave up. Last night I came home pretty down. I ate my dinner, steamed cauliflower, Brussel sprouts and a bit a cabbage. (Ok, I love veggies).  had my Coke Zero. Felt better. I was thinking, WTF I might as well eat at the restaurant for the party.   Well, lo and behold, this AM I get up to shower and I weigh myself, as I do everyday. And son of a bitch... my weight was 5lbs down from the evening before. In fact ,the lowest I had seen in such a long time.  I stepped on it again, cause for some reason my scale will vary if it gets moved 1 inch here or there. But no, it was the same low weight. YIPEEEEEEEE

I am so glad I didn't give up. (And in reality I wasn't going to) I was just pissing and moaning. But I feel so much better. In fact I was in line in the McDonald Drive in this AM to get my coffee(which I do everyday) and I get up to pay, and the girls says to me, the man in front of you paid for your coffee for you. I just stared at her, because I couldn't believe it and she just smiled. I waved to the man as a thank you. Oh what a beautiful day it is indeed.(Minus the rain).

Kisses to Allan for the push I needed. I am going to take in to consideration of the PM weight being higher due to all the walking drinking and such and not let it get me down.(Ya sure)

Weigh in night

It will be interesting to see if what I have been doing for the DDD helps tonight. There is a big difference when I weigh in the AM versus the PM.(Darn it). Also, my scale versus their scale is slightly different. But, I pretty much have always been doing a 1200 calorie with HMR, high fluid(water being the bulk) intake. So perhaps that is why I continue to lose weight week after week. I am hoping to weigh at least what I weighed on Sunday AM. (Ok not really, I want to weigh less.)

Also, I think Mom to the Fourth Power is right http://believingitspossible.blogspot.com/ . I will bring something to add to my makeshift salad.  If I don't, temptation will be knocking (and lets face it, I am only a very weak human). So, thank you Mom for the advice. I don't want to ruin everything I have been doing it especially when the food probably wont be that good anyway. I mean if I cheat,(which I dont) its going to be with my own cooking thank you very much. :)  Also Mom, thanks for the logo I took from your website I love it. Gracie

Tuesday

So strange we have had weather in the 80's to 90's. Now starting tomorrow rain thru the weekend. Silly mother nature. Well, still doing very well on diet and fluid consumption. I do have a little issue, Thursday afternoon is my office party being held at Sammy's pizza. I noticed they had salads, but I would need to bring my own dressing. But even the salads have things that I shouldnt have on it. I was thinking of just having a diet soda( even tho I only like coke zero) and no meal. We usually have so much fun at these things that maybe nobody would notice? Or maybe bring some raw veggies, but I think that might be more noticeable than not having anything. Well I still have a couple of days to plan. Any suggestions?

OMG Thank you

Gertie from http://jellybelly811.blogspot.com/ has given me a award. I want to thank you all, and my parents for which none of this would have happened and my children. Thank you Thank you. (Ya I am pathetic).
But seriously, it means so much. I really appreciate Gertie who has always be a positive influence. She really has been a great blog friend. Always sends me sweet notes and makes me feel good. 

This weekend was great and warm (sorry Gertie).  We might get a chance of rain by Friday, if that helps?

If I knew how to pass this award forward( Computer illiterate=me) I would pass it too Wendy http://wendyweightlossjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/numbers-update.html She is stumbling a bit right now and could use some encouragement. She is so sweet.  Thank you again Gertie for everything!

Sunday results

Very pleased I lost 4 lbs. Like I said, I have two different weigh in's. So I hope it continues to Wednesday night. One thing I am especially pleased with , since I started the challenge I have increased my water and exercise. I have been walking everyday at work. Today at the gym and I went 35 minutes on the treadmill without stopping. I was jazzed. That is a huge increase for me.  Weather here is really incredible it is 85 degrees and warmer some areas. So tons of ice tea. Hopefully my luck will continue and the Chargers will win . (one can only hope).

Sunny Saturday

Well tomorrow is weigh in for Allan, reading his guess on how much we should lose. I think he will be spot on for me. Today has been very sunny here and that has helped with the fluid. I love Iced tea it is my absolute drink off choice and I've been a drinking it like crazy. Sticking to the diet. It was  a little hard today, not sure why, probably just mind over matter. So what I did was eat my dinner(yummy veggies) for lunch. And now I feel much better. Cant wait for tomorrow. Good luck to all the lovely people on this challenge. Reading their blogs you get to know them and wow these are really wonderful people. I am glad I joined and everyone has been so supportive. I am new to this really only starting the diet mid-Oct. But I have been so blessed with the people on these blogs who give support to everyone.

Yippee

So happy it's Friday, even tho someone called in sick. Whats new.  Well, diet going well, drinking tons. One of my favorite drinks is this Lipton sparkling green tea/ strawberry Kiwi. Yum, no calories a bit of sparkling. It hits the spot. Of course you have to remember that its in the 80's and possible higher this weekend here.

They have added veggies to my diet, so beside my daily shakes, I can add veggies. This helps eliminate the meals they allow also (similar to lean cuisine). They are good, but they are 3.50 each. Veggies on the other hand are more affordable. Last night my dinner was steamed cauliflower and Brussels sprouts. I like them steamed heavy. So they mash up, then I add pepper and Molly McButter. Man, I was in heaven, and then I had a coke zero. Yummy Yummy. Of course you do have to remember that is all I had for food except for my diet crackers that I will snake on all day. Which is funny since its not a lot. But I will take a nibble here and a nibble there. It seems to work for me.

At work, it is the time when we start receiving baked goodies and sweets. I just say thank you so much and then just put them out for all to eat. Share the wealth I say. I don't even take a nibble which I don't  know, but I find it easier just to have none. Once I cheat, it makes it easier to cheat again. In the 8-9 weeks of this diet, I have only once gone off and that was Thanksgiving. And that wasn't even bad. This is just me, I know once I start to go to the other side, I am lost. So best just to stay in the box. I treat myself to coke zero or my new Lipton Sparkling.

Ok weekend I am ready for you, bring it on!

Results are in

OK, so I didn't double last weeks loss, infact I wasn't even close damn it. I lost 3 lbs. This makes a total of 32 lbs since 10/13/10. I pissed and moaned after weighing in, and of course, the RN started to lecture me about how I should be happy about the 3 lbs(I learned my lesson, I wont piss an moan in front her again). Now dont get me wrong, I am happy with the loss. I have never gained since being on this diet. But, shouldn't we aspire for more? Why should I settle for the 3 lbs. I dont see anything wrong with wanting more and trying for more each time. 

Remember I mentioned a few times about the young lad in my class, 10th grader. Well, as of last night he has lost 50 lbs.  I was so happy for him, he is a great boy. This really will change his life. It is hard to be overweight anytime, but more so in high school.  He wears this grin, that is just adorable. I can't say enough about how much he deserves this.

Well, back to drinking and drinking and drinking.....................

Weigh in Wednesday

I'm kinda nervous, I wanted to double last weeks weight loss, but I dont think I will. Of course, I never know til I weigh in tonight at 5pm. Never fear, I'm not giving up on trying to double weight loss. I know with Allan's requirements of drinking tons of water it will start to show up. TOM is still here, but I dont feel real bloated. 

It was well worth joining Allan's phase 3, even just for his crazy ass emails. That man is crazy. 

Yesterdays something funny happened. I had to pee (of course all this frickin water I'm drinking) and start to pull my pants down, right and I realized that my pants were the button and zipper kind. I guess, it was time to get a smaller size eh?

Today is going to be near the 80's today. I love that, time for some iced tea, yum!  Well, I guess I will let you know what results are tomorrows. I am keeping track of two different results, one for Allan,which weight is emailed in from Sunday weigh in, and my diet program which is tonight. Allan's will be a bit less, since its in AM and the other is at PM after all day of water and food.

Keep Drinking!

What a difference a day makes.

Today is so much better, McDonalds was opened and I got my coffee. Dont get me wrong, I could get coffee at work. I work at a major hospital. But, their coffee isn't my cup of tea.(Haha, sometimes I kill me).
But cramps are better and someone told me, when TOM is here and you are retaining tons of water, causing bad cramps. Drink more water. (I know sounds wrong, right?) But it really helped(along with the narcotic for pain).  Oh ya, forgot to mention, in the am I was fretting about "how could I go for my 30 minute walk with these frickin cramps, well, by lunch time they were much better. I went for my 30 minute walk and felt awesome when I was done! (Yeah me)

Today is the start for Allans Phase 3 http://almostgastricbypass.blogspot.com/ weight loss challenge and I am ready!. Brought everything I need to work and tons of water (and crystal light). I think this is what I need to kick it up. I am down approx 30 lbs since I started 8 weeks ago on my own diet, I have 4 weeks left to this stage of the diet and I want to drop another 10 lbs (at least) before it ends at the end of the year.Of course, then I start Phase I ongoing. So it doesn't end there. And Allans Phase 3 will get me thru to the end of the year. Its nice dieting with others. No one I know is on a diet. So this gives me some company. I am going to keep up the 30 minute walks at lunch and work outs at home. I will do anything to lose weight and the packet Allan sent has some great ideas in it. (thanks Allan!).

Good luck to all of the others on Phase 3, lets kick ass on this! Good luck to everyone else too. Its a struggle no matter what plan you do to lose weight.  Gracie

Could use some help

I would like to put a weightloss tracker on my blog, but I dont know how. I have found tickerfactory.com but dont know how to put it on web blog. Help

ugg I feel like crap

Ya, I feel like crap and to make things worse, its Monday. Charges lost to those damn Raiders and we lost our prize Padre Adrian Gonzales. This weekend sucked. I am sure that my PMS and frickin cramps aren't making things any better. I think I am going to have to drink my sorrows and cramps away. (of course it will be with water). I just want to crawl into bed with my sweats, my Labrador by my side and hide from the world today. But that shit aint goin to happen. Nope, I am at work, drinking water. Ya and one more thing McDonalds was closed this morning so no damn coffee for me. Ya this day just sucks.

Saturday and chance of rain

Ok, so my thoughts of sleeping in were demolished yesterday. Darling daughter needed a babysitter for her roommates little boy. I said I have a hair appointment which I did. She begs son, he's your typical 17 year boy, he says "a heck no".  Usually my daughter will help her roommate out and watch the little guy, except  both of them got asked to work and they both need the money. So they were desperate. Ok, so my mommy genes kicked in, I got up at 6:30 went to her place picked him up brought him back home, had husband watch him til 10:30 when he left for work. (my hair appointment was at 9:30). So they son watches him til I get back at 12:30. Now I have him. He is a great little boy, but I get up at 5:10 M-F for work so I wanted to sleep. Oh well shit happens dont it.

Oh well more later.

Friday and loving it

I am so glad it is Friday, why you ask? Well hell if I know, it just seems better than Monday. I plan on going to gym each day this weekend. Which I WILL do, damn it. No more lame excuses from me. I don't care that it is only 70 degrees outside. (just kidding). Also, it is so much easier to chug down the water on weekends, no having to worry if someone thinks I have a bladder problem when I am always using the bathroom at work.

Last night I steamed some brussels sprouts and cauliflower and then cut up a lot of fresh radishes to nibble on.(some of my favorite veggies) On my steamed veggies I put Molly McButter . And I thought it was awesome! I have never used that before but I am glad I bought it. I also got Mrs. Dash. That works too. I  am glad I cooked enough for tonight too.Sweeeeet! 

I have been invited to join Mr. Allen's http://almostgastricbypass.blogspot.com/ weight loss challenge and you know what this is perfect. I am very competitive and this will give the boost I need to step up the weight loss. I think I was kind of just doing my thing and not really pushing myself. This may sound weird but I am not happy with the 2.5 lbs lost during the week. Truthfully I don't cheat (not counting Thanksgiving, but really even then I was incredible sensible with what I ate.) But with that being said, just because I don't cheat doesn't mean I couldn't do better. I can, I can increase my walking time, and my at home free weight exercises. I mean really, when I do these I am still watching TV. So there's no excuse for not doing more. And the biggest thing of all is drinking water. Yeah, I am doing the amount the say, but why not increase it.  I really believe I can increase my weight loss if I pushed myself harder. It is all up to me. NO MORE LAZINESS.

One thing about my new friend Allen, he is brutally honest.(Besides being so damn sarcastic, I laugh sometimes so hard  I might pee, when reading his blog). I must say probably one of the best blogs out there for weightloss. Not because he is a physician or anything like that. But he tells it like it is. There is no magic diet, no magic pill. But that we have it in us to achieve our weight loss with the rules that we all really know in our hearts. We all can achieve weight loss if we just do it. I know that is putting it mildly. But weight loss is not easy and never has been. It takes hard work and to be honest with yourself. I admit, I have given up a lot on this diet. But I need to lose this weight, I did this to myself, so now I have only myself to fix it. So I really want to thank Allen for putting it out there. I took a look at myself and realized what he said is true. I can do better.

AAAAAGH

All I asked for was 3 little pounds...that was it. Well, I lost 2.5. The scale was a real bitch last night. I wanted that 30 lbs loss for my 7 weeks of HMR. You know what that means. This week I have to step it up a notch.(Big time). More exercise and more water. At least Thanksgiving is over and it will be 7 days of pure dieting again. One problem is my little female problem. Oh well. Next week, I am going to try to double the weight loss. Good luck to me!:)

Weigh in Wednesday

OK, I am a little nervous, for the first time I wasn't faithful to my diet for the entire week. I did have some turkey and stuffing (not a lot) and cheese and crackers( maybe a little to much). I am having a bit of water retention to you know, female issues(TOM). Unfortunately at my age this is a bitch cause  it can last 2 weeks of issues. But I have been pretty darn good beside that. I am down 27lbs in 7 weeks. This is suppose to be week 8, I want to loose 3 lbs( really is that to much to ask?) to make it 30lbs. Now at home, when I weigh in the AM before my shower, I am down nearly 35lbs, but the weigh in is at 5pm. BIG difference in weight. OK, send me positive thoughts (if anyone reads this blog?).  I have increased my lunch walk from 20 to 25 to 30 minutes. So at least I am proud of that. And the frickin strange thing is, I love walking.(Who knew).

I am not sure if I ever mentioned what the diet is that I am on. (I sure the hell aint gonna re-read my own boring ass blog). But it is HMR, which includes 4-5 shakes a day, option being a oatmeal type cereal (actually very good) and then meal replacement dinners and yummy bars. They have last week or so allowed now certain veggies, actually its lot of different ones. All of them I love. Big help with adding veggies. I really am not having any trouble sticking to this diet. Sometimes it is hard to get all the shakes in, so I have started making double shakes. So even when the 12 week initial program is done, I will continue until I loose 100lbs. (my real goal is 150 lbs but if I look at that I panic).

The blogs I follow really help me, I mean, they dont even have a clue what a inspiration of just being there helps me and I am sure others too. So to all the bloggers a BIG THANK YOU! You guys are awesome.(Geez can you tell I am hormonal)

Too funny thx Priorfatgirl.

I copied this from Priorfatgirl blog,(who I love reading). This just made my day. I hope it makes yours too.

Happy Monday! Here is a funny story someone emailed me – at least I’m not the only one who feels this way towards the end of the workout week!
__________________________________________________
For my 50th Birthday, my husband bought me a weeks worth of personal training sessions at the local health gym. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer, Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress, here it is:

Monday: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me. He is something of a Greek God – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air – then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It’s a whole new life for me.
Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other junk too.
Thursday: Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the lockeroom room. He sent Susan to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine – I sank.
Friday: I hate that bastard Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader wanna-be bastard. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the &*@*#$ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from, you Nazi bastard.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Saturday: Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the *$@#&& Weather Channel.
Sunday: I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun – like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

Cyber Monday

Couldn't post for the last 4 days. On Thanksgiving I got a computer virus. Geez. Computer was down all weekend. Ended up just buying a new computer. Well, on weigh in, I lost 3 lbs. So I am down 27 lbs. On Thanksgiving I knew I was  going off the diet. I did have some cheese and crackers and Turkey and stuffing little of each and then filled my plate with roasted veggies. I did not have any dessert. I did not exercise per-se. I kept thinking I would go to the gym and I didnt. It was so frickin cold all weekend.(Remember, I am from So Cal so anything below 65' I need ugg boots.). I went shopping on Black Friday. I got up at 2am and went to Kohls for the 3:00 am opening. Man it was crazy. I entered at 3:00 finished shopping by 3:20 and then stayed in line til 5am to check out.  Well its back to lunch walks and tons of water and no cheating again. Hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving.

Wednesday and again time to weigh

I have positive thoughts for tonight, (fingers crossed). I have really amped up the exercise and water intake. Today at work, so far, has been crazy. Tomorrow will be a huge test for me. I dont expect to fall to far. Maybe just a little, I can have veggies so that is awesome. Kids want to go shopping on Black Friday.. I dread it. They want to hit up Kohls at 3:00am. I think this shit is out of hand. But we will see what happens. Happy Thanksgiving all!

Rainy Saturday

I love rain, especially today. I can just kick back in my sweats and do housework and laundry. Hopefully watch paranormal show. My favorite TV. Still doing well on the diet. Cant wait for Monday- Monday night football. Yippee. Of course, I want my weekend to last as long as possible. Post my pix. Need to post my before pix also. Hopefully soon.

Friday and feelin fine

I am so happy it is Friday and we are to have rain this weekend. I told my sweats before I left for work to be patient,  "momma's coming home to them soon". Gosh I love my sweats. Am I the only one that thinks sweats are the best weekend clothes to wear on a rainy weekend? (Could be) I am walking every day now up to 25 minutes and when at home I work with free weights for another 10 minutes or so. I am more than ever determined to make this weight come off a bit faster.  Weekends I hit the gym and the treadmill and other equipment. I have increased my water. Baby I am in the momentum and I am goin for it. I feel so much better in my clothes. Sure people may notice something, but definitely not that I lost almost 25 lbs. But you know what that is ok. In time all they will notice, that I am sure of. I feel very positive. Have a great weekend.

Results are in

Ok, I wasnt surprised (disappointed)but I lost 2 lbs. Now I know I should be happy and what ever. But shoot, I doubled the exercise this week and did everything right. Oh well, I am not going to give up. I will try harder. One absolutely great thing happened at class tho, they are now adding veggies to the diet. I am so stoked. I now see Thanksgiving being much better for me. I love veggies, all kinds, so now I can eat with the family and not be such an oddball. ( I will still be an oddball) but you know what I mean. I am looking forward to cooking, I love to cook. Talk to you soon

Hump day

Ok tonight is weigh in. I really have pumped it up with exercise and stayed faithful to the diet and you know what, my weight does look like it will be much of a lose. I am sure maybe 1-2 lbs, but really that sucks. I mean I have been struggling to be faithful and need more incentive than that. Oh puck,(not really the word I wanted to use) its not like I am going to cheat, but geez it is tough. I am tempted daily with just wanting a bite here or there. But then I guess that is the reason why I am where I am.  Well we will see.

Tuesday

Well its Tuesday and its just a so-so day. It was really busy in the AM at work, because someone called in sick (again). I feel blue, not sure why. Maybe because I have been on this diet for nearly 5 weeks and I was really hoping to have lost more weight. I am down 21.5 lbs and weigh in is tomorrow. I have kicked everything up a notch, going to the gym and walking 20 minutes at lunch and doing 10 minutes of light weight exercise at home everyday. But the weight has certainly slowed down. I still have never cheated.
Dont get me wrong, I am pleased that I have lost weight, my clothes are getting baggy(nice) and I am wearing clothes I haven't been able to wear for a while. But I think its the holiday season has me down. I dont have my parents anymore and I miss them so much. My wonderful daughter moved out earlier this year and my son is going to graduate in June. I think I am just feeling a bit lonely. I also dont know what to do. Do you ever think that your life has passed you by, and that the best times of your life are already gone.

Saturday

Sorry I took so long. I lost 3 lbs. So that makes it 21.5 in 4 weeks. I'm happy. But still have more to go. So no cheating. The boy in my class that I spoke about has lost 28 lbs. What a awesome loss . He is doing so well. Well, I just wanted to give the news. Back to house work. It is really beautiful today, except for the Santa Ana winds. Enjoy your weekend and be safe.

Wednesday-and its weigh night

Well, things have been running right along. I think I lost a little bit hopeful 3-4 lbs. But not sure. It has slowed down, I think I need to increase the exercise. Currently I am being very lazy about it. Small walks at lunch time. Haven't gone to the gym yet. I know that's what I need. I am so tired when I get home. (Usual excuse). I have the next two days off and I am going to go at least once. I have a busy day scheduled with the kids for Friday. Gonna go downtown see the sites that should count for a bunch of walking. I mean, I still have not cheated. I don't put any morsel of food in my mouth unless its on the program.

As you know I read a lot of weight loss blogs. Some are so interesting, some not so much (like mine). But I have read a few where either they have been blogging for year(s) and seem to be at the same weight as when they started the blog and some have loss and then gained it back and are starting over again. This scares me. I see myself in those. I hope that isn't me.  Now of course there are some blogs where people have kicked ass on the weight loss and are still maintaining it. Those are my idols.   But in all the blogs, one theme is current, it is frickin hard. I suppose its mind over matter (WTF does that mean).

But in almost, if not all blogs, I really like the people and they are all so encouraging to the newbies like me. God bless them!

Not sure how much I will post til Monday. I will try to get you my weigh in results from tonight on.

Monday and I was wondering

I was wondering why I didnt pick a better name for my blog. I mean I absolutely love Jack Sh*t and really enjoy Mrsfatass. I get a kick out the name Loser for Life or weigh in over my head.  I mean those are some really creative names. Of course mine is, Gracies' tough journey. (zzzzzzzzz boring). I guess it makes it a little more interesting that Gracie isnt really my name. But who cares. Man, I think I blew it with the name.

Ok, back to the blog, this weekend same ol' same ol'. I followed the diet, no cheating. But it was a crazy Saturday and I have to admit I am struggling. I fantasize about a Mc Donalds cheeseburger. How it feels and how it taste OMG. WTF is wrong with me, it should be getting easier. I would give my right nut for one, if I had those.  I am so scared to even taste something.

Saturday I babysat for my DD roommates little boy. We all know I adore that kid. But.... I had to get to their house by 6:20am. As it is, I have to get up for work at 5:10 am M-F so weekends I kinda like to sleep. Then my son went out with his buddies that night to our local University football game. Supposedly they were going to take the trolley. I texted my son, are you at the trolley station? His text we are on our way. (ok, my mommy antenna went up). I said are you on the trolley. I get a "ya" back. Ok, still doubting him but willing to take his word. That night, I get him some fast food (which smelled so good) and waited at the trolley. And lo and behold he comes popping out of his buddies convertible mustang smiling that sheepish grin. Grrrrr. He finally fessed that they drove to the stadium.  I told him, I would have been ok with that. Dont lie to me. If I catch you lying again, you will regret it. (What a putz) He said ok.  (Ya, I believe that).

Friday ..sweeeeet

I am so happy it is Friday. Best thing is, I have nothing planned this weekend. Sleep is my number 1 agenda. I get up at 5:10 am every morning to go to work. I drive 40 min to work and 40 minutes home every weekday.Ugh.  Now the time change will be this weekend so when I wake up it will be light. So much better for me. Still doing great on diet, cant wait to see how much I lose this weekend. Its been very warm here, yesterday was 102. But that does  give you the need to drink tons of water. Which I have been doing. Everyone have a safe and fun weekend.

Weigh in results...

Ok after three weeks on the HMR diet without any cheating is 18.5 lbs. Yippee, I lost 5 lbs lost night. Turns out I had only lost 1.5 lbs the week before. But I am still very please with these results. Husband says, you only lost 5 lbs, the first week you lost 12 lbs. (What a dick)  I said so, how many should I have lost?....

Good job I don't need his approval to justify myself.lol, I am so happy the weight is coming off and I cant wait till next weigh in. I will not "go out of the box".

On a different note, last week one of our cities finest (Policeman) was killed in the line of duty. Today is his funeral. On my way to work I came across the police procession, all with their lights flashing. It was beautiful. I cried a little it was so touching. God Bless our law enforcement. Please say a prayer for his family. They showed them on TV, what great kids he had. :(

Wednesday-

Doing very well on diet, weigh in is tonight. Its been very warm, which actually helps with drinking water and no-calorie drinks. Also helps with my (HMR) shakes. I blend them with flavorings and lots of ice. Yum. They are actually very good, like drinking an actual shake. (Yes I have a very good imagination). Any whoooo, things are going better than I ever could have imagined. Like I said tho, it sucks that I am so heavy that losing nearly 20lbs, nobody notices. Oh well. I pretty much have my daily menu set up .
Breakfast-Shake and cereal(their oatmeal)
Lunch-Shake
Snack-Shake
Dinner- Entree
Sometimes I treat myself to a (HMR) snack bar.
And then water water water....(and pee, pee,pee)

Election day

I am so happy it is election day. After today no more political ads on TV. OMG I hate them, they can run 2-3 times in a row. This morning, I'm driving to work, getting on the on-ramp to the freeway, and there is about 50 people waving their stupid signs. Vote for so-an-so. I mean, it gets to point of who I hate the least. Really, here in Calif, I think we have two terrible candidate. But then again, we do have an actor as Governor. God, we can be such fools.   What a relief tomorrow no more ads. Yah! Back to food commercials. :(    Has anyone ever noticed how many food ads run at night. I guess I never paid that much attention until I couldn't eat their food anymore. I don't even watch the food channel, which use to be one of my favorites.

Oh well what a rant eh?  Go vote!

Monday

Well shoot, I didnt get many kids at my house last night.  I had to bring candy in to the office today to get rid of them. I am still doing very well on the diet no cheating allowed. I think I am close to 20 lbs off. Of course, the sad thing is that at my weight no one really even notices it. It would take another 20 lbs I think at least. I mean I notice it, my pants are baggy and I feel better. Maybe really, thats all that counts anyway. Since I feel it and actually feel really good. Then it is a win-win for me. The really wonderful thing and what is keeping me on track is how fast I am losing. I know it always wont be that way but for now it is. Take care

Halloween-

I love Halloween, it is so much fun. I use to decorate my yard as a cemetery and have ghostly sounds coming out. I went crazy. Then kids stopped coming to our neighborhood. All the kids in our neighborhood have grown up. We are a small hood. This year I gave my stuff to my DD and she went crazy at her house, she will get a ton of kids. Her house looks great.

I have still be sticking to my diet faithfully, and the weight is still coming off. I cant wait til Wednesday. I have been drinking Coke Zero(no more than 2 a day). I have never had it before, and let me tell you, I luv it. It has a great taste.  Everyone have a safe night and be good to the little devils out there.

WTF

Man, I am so bummed. I lost two pounds, I wanted more. But I think I was bloated, stupid TOM. Next, Next I said NEXT week I will double that. I am going to increase my water and exercise more(yuck!). I will not fail, I will NOT.  Its funny, I lost 14 lbs in two weeks, one of my weightloss partners, a 10th grader, lost the same amount. He lost evenly the last two weeks, where as I lost big the first time, and small the second. He is jazzed, and I was bummed. I guess its like the old "glass half full " thing. He is an inspiration. Great kid too. So when I woke up this morning. I had a better attitude. Aaah gotta love the youth of our world!

Hump day

Hump day, hmmm very strange. I don't feel like I'm over the hump. I feel like I am still climbing up the hump. Strange indeed. Oh well, tonight is the weigh in. Not sure, but don't think I lost the 5 lbs I was hoping for. Maybe I should increase my water. I have noticed that I have been thirsty. No cheating still, I have to admit, I actually like this diet. Sure, don't get me wrong, I definitely want to eat my dinners I cook for the family. I am a good cook :). But the replacement meals are tasty, with a little spice in them. I think they deliberately added some spice. It does make you eat it slower. For example, last night, chicken creole. I think I ate each little bitty rice separately to make it last longer. It worked. Of course, I also don't want to rush my one real meal a day....I make it last baby.  Of course for the family I had a crock pot going of spaghetti sauce . I added ground chicken and chicken sausage in it. It cooked all day and damn it smelled good. Of course they all raved how great it was. I was like "that's nice". I don't want to be bitchy, but man sometimes it can be hard. I will let you know tomorrow the results. Wish me luck!

Another day

Still not one ounce of cheating on my part. Or as they call it "staying in the box". TOM still with me which is wearing me down. I am anemic. Tomorrow is another weigh in day. I hope I lose at least 5 lbs, not sure tho. Sure did slow down a lot. I have been upping the exercise, with walking a lot. Still feeling a bit blue, not sure why. Could use some time off of work, that is for sure. The thing is everything seems to be running smoothly. So you think I would be happy, but Im not.

Its Monday again

I feel so blue... must be PMS. Could be that its rainy and cold, just the perfect kind of day to stay home.

Back to the diet, I have been so faithful to this diet, not even a lick of something I cant have. Will be interesting to see what happens Wed night.

This weekend was so busy. First the yards sale at my DD, had to be there at 6:30 and bring her breakfast. Hmmmm. Then Sunday babysat the little guy, who is as sweet as they come. He and I went shopping. Then brought him home and took my own DS to the wonderful Target.  Came home and watched Paranormal State. Love that show.  OMG my life is boring.........

Yipeeeeeeeeee

Ya its Friday and I am so happy (doing happy dance with my fingers).  I am not planning to do much this weekend. No working Football, its a away game. :).    Daughter is having a yard sale tomorrow, might go visit. Not sure yet. Offered to babysit her roomates little boy, on Sunday . That should be ok, he's such a sweet boy (5yrs).  Weighed today and down another 2 lbs. This will help me get thru the weekend.

I have a new pair of pants, that I am going to have to return for a smaller size. That is crazy.

I am so enjoying the month of October. Usually this is our fire month.  This time we are having a lot of cooler weather and rain. So no Firestorms yet. (Knocked on wood and said a little prayer of thanks). 
Also, there are so many scary shows on TV, I love scary shows. Especially, Ghost shows and Monsterquest  also Destination Truth. That Josh Gates is crazy and I also get a belly laugh watching him. I also bought two ghost books. I am obsessed with the paranormal. I have had so many actual experiences that it has made it my obsession to learn more about it.

Drum roll please.....

OK yesterday didn't start out to well, I tweaked my back looking for stuff in the garage for my daughters yard sale, so I missed work. Being at work is great for my diet, I am so busy  and the day flies by. Rare temptations so, its a good place for me to be. But, I did ok at home, kind of slept a lot with my back hurtin.

Went to the doctors last night for my weigh in and class. The weight loss for the week is.....(wait for it)....
12 pounds. Wahoooooo. The doctor said that was really good. But next week might be half. I said 6 pounds would make me happy too. :)

What motivation, as soon as my back feels better I feel like going to the gym.

I'm soo happy!

OK so WTF

OK, Monday night  come home from work and Husb and son decide to BBQ steaks with salad and tater tots. This is one of my favorites. We have rain so the house is closed up. So the smell just waifs through the house and this is the first time I actually became a bit cranky.  Man, I love tater tots.  It doesnt help that my son (17) has a cruel sense of humor and uses it on me.  (God love him)

But, never fear, I stuck with my shake and meal replacements. And it was tasty, it was turkey chili. 
Then, I watched TV and read a book. So I made it through. I am worried about the weigh in tomorrow. I hope I loose enough for me to say to myself, this is soo worth it. But no matter what it is worth it. (Ok, I am a bit split personality, I am a Gemini).

I have been reading a few weight loss blogs which can be a big inspiration. I love Jack Sh*T, his humor keeps me going. His website is a kick.  There are a few more. As soon, as I learn how to work this blog more, I am going to add them to my site as a link.

Made it thru the rain....

Ya, its raining today, but that's ok.  I made it through the weekend. Ugh, it was harder than I anticipated. Saturday AM woke up with awful leg cramps. They started in the calf then went to the thigh. I have had thigh cramps only twice in my life, both with in 2-3 months. The pain is more than I can describe. I feel as if I am going to pass out with the pain. My heart starts racing with the pain, and I get that buzzing sounds you get when you think you are going to pass out. I guess I must have over done it on Friday work the football game. It didn't seem like it at the time.

I followed the diet plan exactly as prescribed. No cheating what so ever. I drank all my fluids took my vit and fiber . Problem, I am just starting the TOM. Great, more cramps. Still like the drinks, I did try some of their entrees and they really are good. It helped me. I also tried the oatmeal they have and I really like it. I am going to get a box at next appt. I am thinking of having it with a shake for breakfast.

One down and ..........so many more to go

OK, my first day done and gone and I passed it with flying colors, a few hunger pains and so many many trips to the bathroom. WOW. Water goes right thru you.   But, I do like the shakes and I think the hunger pains will subside, most likely they are mental. The actual food they supply looks really good. I did have one of their bars. It was really good. I don't think I needed it, but was really curious on how it tasted and yum.

Tonight, will have itS share of issues. I am going to work my sons HS football game with my daughter. It is always a blast, but exhausting and I am always starving when I'm done and so are the kids .  But no fear, I have a plan. I plan to bring a shake with me and have one left when I get home. Worst case scenario, I can heat up a meal replacement, hmm they look good.  Of course, I could come home and go to sleep. I do see that happening more then not. Hey, you can sleep thru hunger pains right?

Really missed my McDonald's Sugar free vanilla iced coffee. I have had that every AM before work. Yesterday was the first time I didn't. I cant have it on this diet.  Oh my, that was hard. I got a small diet Pepsi and that seemed to help. So who knows, this maybe the new drink for me. I don't usually drink soda's much and still wont. But in the am, I just need something, ya kno?

Hey, have a really great weekend and be safe.

The final count down......

LOL, I have had the line in my head all morning.

This is it folks. I am frickin nervous, all these thoughts running around my mind..what if I fail, what if its to hard...what if.. what if.. What is wrong with me.  So much self doubt. I mean isn't this how I got in this boat to begin with. Self doubt. Lack of confidence. Being ok with failure. I mean really, who is ok with failure. Me.  Not anymore. Damn it. I am tired of this, so unbelievably tired of this shit.  I am tired of being sore when I get out of bed, or when I walk or sit.  Afraid of sitting in a chair and breaking it, afraid of not even fitting in it. Unless you have been fat, you don't even think of this. Shit no one deserves to live like this, and especially me.

I am taking control of my life. With or without anyones help or support. This is all me baby... The buck stops here.(Hmmm, I wonder how many more cliche's I can get in).  I will be honest, each week I will post my weight loss. I will post pictures as I go, if I can figure out how to. (Will have to ask kids to show me how).

Ok..on with the big show

Monday and getting close

I start my weight loss program Wed eve. So Thursday I start. I wonder at times (fantasize really) what my future holds for me. My kids tell me how proud of me they are for doing this. Which is nice, but makes me wonder if I have been an embarrassment to them. They say no, but if I am to myself, I must be to them.  I read this wonderful website site, its very popular and I am glad I found it also. Jack Sh*t getting fit. He is a incredible inspirational writer. He is also frickin funny. I read his blog over and over to just get a laugh. This guy is awesome. Love his pictures, his followers are great too.  His poetry is just too funny. I actually print them and put them in my weight loss binder. 

On another note. Damn those Charges, how could they lose to the dreaded Raiders? Damn, Damn, Damn.

Hey do any of you have crazy neighbors. (As if anyone reads this, lol). I have this crazy neighbor, the 'cat woman". Now don't get me wrong, I like cats, even though I am terribly allergic to them. She has nearly 40 in her house. She never lets them out, except in the back yard. Can you imagine the smell in that house. She doesn't work, yet she always has a fed ex truck in front of her house delivering something. Her husband has to work his butt off to pay for all this crap. All she does is peek out her window at the neighbors and she also writes her blog. Which she is always complaining about the neighbors. Now let me explain, our neighborhood is really nice, very very quiet and some really nice people. None of us are real close, but we pretty much all get along. So this woman, is pretty much paranoid.  I hear that cat hoarders are usually a bit off. I guess that must be true.... Take care

Wet Wednesday

I hate the commute on a rainy day. The commute on a normal day is always crowded and thats at 6:45a. With rain, it sucks..... Well I do live is So Cal and we dont get a lot of rain to begin with. Our roads are made for hot weather, so when it rains it gets a slick coating. Plus people are pretty rude when behind the wheel and just darn crazy.  But I would love to live in rainy weather town, ie Grants Pass, OR Maybe. It is so darn cute and pretty. I hear the people are nice also.. Who knows maybe when I retire.

Works been tough lately. I don t know maybe its me, but I really feel burned out. Granted I have worked here for 23 years.

Who what where

Oh here I am. Geez, I suck at this. I promise once I start the program I will be better. Count down time on and I must admit , I am a bit nervous. Mostly of failure, I think....

Friday Friday

Yesterday was so strange, as you might remember we had 117 degree heat earlier this week. Well yesterday we had thunder and lightening all day. It was crazy and wonderful. I love RAIN more than I can tell you. I don't get it, I love love rain, yet I live in So Cal where it is always sunny.  Give me Oregon or Washington Please... I am running low on my drinks. But today is the 1st and I have til the 13th. It will be here before I know it.

Still have my moments of excitement and moments of doubt.

Whew that seems to be over

OMG it was frickin hot on Monday. My son, who has an awesome truck, has a outside temp gage and it was at 117 degrees. Way way too hot. But yesterday, it seemed to cool a bit. But it was really humid.  Today on the other hand seems to be a lot cooler this AM and that is a good start. The last two days, it was running the AC on my way to work at 6:30 am. Crazy.

Still counting down til 10/13.  I am a bit anxious, I so don't want to fail. I shouldn't even be thinking like this, but my insecurities are raising there awful head again. There are times, when I think how wonderful it will be to feel comfortable in my own skin. I need to keep thinking positive thoughts. I need to think of this as an adventure with hunger pains. lol.... I am still reading web sites that are on weight loss. As soon as I get better with this blogging thing I will start listing them.

Monday Monday

Crazy weekend. Geez it was so frickin hot, 103-106..ugh. Spent Saturday at the Golfcourse, even though it was hot as all could be it was fun. It is really beautiful. Did a tournie/fundraiser for high school football. Sweated a lot, but also laughed alot. I dont do my drinks during the weekend since I dont have enough packs to last until my actual start date. I have to admit, I cant wait to really get started. I am trying to maintain or loose a few by drinking the drinks M-F in the am and noon.

I read a lot of blogs and that helps so much and it gives me hope. I also have been praying to give me strength to finish and have a successful end. I really want to do this for me. But I really want my kids to be proud of me.

TGIF ? perhaps

Still doing well on the liquids, but still cant wait til I start the actual program and get it going. This weekend as I mentioned last post is suppose to be very hot. I hate it... but I will be drinking lots of Iced Tea. It is my drink of choice.This weekend, nothing is planned and that's just how I like it.


OK, was so excited it was Friday... until staff started calling in sick which means I have to work over time to cover(me supervisor) . Now I am down in the dumps.. Was so looking forward to an early Friday off. I've got two kids who are both sick, one more so than the other. No matter what their age, you are always a mom first, the rest falls a way back second. 

Well I guess I will go sulk.....

Nothing to it

Well had my pre-diet physical. Meet with a nurse, he was really nice. Got weighed (again ugh) and measured and had my before picture taken. I am so glad he didnt show it to me. We went over the program, it is a little confusing, but I'll catch on. Met with the director, pretty cut and dry, 15 minutes max.  Next move is the Oct 13 start date.

My poor kids are under the weather especially my DD, she sounds bad. My DS went to school, but I think he is next. I will stop by and visit my DD after work and check on her. Dang these cold.  Weather has been great lately, but should get into the triple digits this weekend (which is why we all are getting sick, cool-hot-cool-hot). Hate hate triple digit weather.  Still drinking the shakes and having a dinner, so far so good. Preparing myself for the real deal...

Hmmmm

I wonder if I am afraid of failure or success. I know that sounds weird. But sometimes I wonder.  I don't know how to explain this except, sometimes, being overweight people pretty much ignore you. You kind of live in a sheltered life.  When thinner, people will start acknowledging you. You have to start opening yourself up to others and that can be kind of frightening. You have to let the wall down some, not all the way but some. I guess you also have to face yourself....

Well that was weird.  Ok, day two went much better than day one, I still was very hungry by dinner time, but ate better. Yesterday, I got a call from my medical health plan, they have approved the weight loss program. So I meet with the nurse today, for 1.5 hrs, then meet the doctor for 15 minutes. LOL.   Oh well, that's ok, I am heading in the right direction. I actual am excited about this, I hope I will learn a bit more about the program. Well I will let you know tomorrow how it went.

I gave it a good try.

Well yesterday, I drank my drinks in the am and lunch. Had homemade from scratch fish soup, which was absolutely delish.  It was my first time making it, my mom use to make it and it was amazing. I must admit my son did most of it while I shopped and it was to die for. Yummy, unfortunately I ate too much for dinner, in fact, I was stuffed. Geez.  All I can say is I will try to do better today. As I said before, I am preparing my self for the ultimate (10/13/10) due date of the all liquid diet.  So far though, I am enjoying the drinks and with the exception of a few stomach growls, I am OK.  I am reading other weight loss blogs and they can be such a inspiration. OK some are not that inspirational, but they are very enjoyable to read and they do keep me encouraged. Even if it just lets me know, I am not the only one in this battle. I went to my daughters house and we did some before pictures of me.  I am thinking that maybe when I get discouraged, I can just look at these and realize that failure and giving up is not an option.


I have to admit, I am curious, I am all enthusiastic right now, as I assume everyone is when they first start. I wonder what my post will look like in a few days, weeks, months from now. I bet I will be a raving witch.
Hmmm only time will tell.

Monday blues

Good news, we were able to find a website that televised the game..hehe, awesome. Best news we won. Well Mondays really do suck, I am starting my Liquid breakfast, snack,lunch deal. Then hope to have a healthy dinner. I need to remember to also drink plenty of water...God I hope our restroom here at work is stocked. I bet I will be in there more than my office. I must admit I still am having my MC D's SF vanilla iced coffee for am. I hope once I start the real program I wont have to give that up...uggg.  I keep reading the programs success stories to keep motivated. I also think of my kids, they have never, ever said anything about my weight. God bless them. But I know, deep down, they have to be embarrassed. Sheesh, I am embarrassed about myself..But they are so supportive of me, they always have been. I know all parents think that their kids are awesome, I do too. But they are also my best friends. They are older kids, not little, actually, they are adults. One thing I have noticed too, they are also very protective of me. When did things change?  I use to be the protector. Geez, it really sucks getting older.

Well lets get on with the day, drink my drinks and I will let you know how I did tomorrow. Take care.

A new start

Today is Sunday, and I cant believe it! No frickin football on TV, we were blacked out. Not enough tickets sold. I know this is a weight loss blog, but people, football is awesome.  On 10/13/10 I will start a Medically supervised weight loss program. It will be incredible hard, it will be a 10-12 week program, which will consist of mostly liquids. Yes you heard me liquids and not the good kind either. It will be supervised by actual doctors. I will see them every week for a complete check up and counseling. It will continue past the initial 10-12 weeks though.  I know that is about three weeks away. But I really have to mentally prepare myself. I am going to start out M-F having the drinks for breakfast and lunch, with a healthy dinner. Folks let me tell you I have over 100lbs to loose. I am not sure if anyone will ever read my blog, but I am going to use this as my journal to help me stay on track  It will not always be about weight loss but I have to admit I have a very odd family. Did I mention I suffer from depression? I guess that would be a given, being over weight will do that to you, but I have to admit I do have other reason. In time I will discuss them with you. I dont want this to be a boring or a depressing blog so I will try to keep it light and hopefully enjoyable, maybe even bring some humor to my crazy life.