Friday, March 30, 2012


Well to help kick everything up a notch. I purchased a Virgin Pedometer. The first day, yesterday I did 8K steps. The goal or magic number is 10K steps a day. So I will strive for that. Not sure what that really means but its a goal to reach for. Yesterday went pretty well, I had all my shakes, one benefit Bar and one meal for dinner. I wanted to stick to all shakes, but me got hungry. :(  I still was on base with the program, nothing that I cant have. Today, same thing, but I am increasing my water intake. I just came back from my walk and its a pretty nice day. I am hungry, I admit it. But, if I eat one of my meals it will be at dinner and with a shake. Their dinners are actually tasty and they all run between 140-250 calories(I think).  Yesterday I come home from work and the smell of spaghetti sauce was in the air. The husband had made some in the crock pot. A bit tough, but I did it.  Of course it sucks that I had to clean up the mess and put the left overs away. He works night so ah thanks for the mess dude.

I hope this weekend goes well, I am sure there will be many temptations, so I am sure I will be a bitchy woman. Its either that or eat, so I vote bitchy. Watch out boys at home....stay away from mama. Of course, unless I win the Mega lotto then I will be a rich happy hungry woman. Well off to walk some more, need to reach 10K steps...Seriously what does that mean, why 10K?

I had to swipe this from Betty

Yes, this....
Genesis 15:1 After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision. "Don't be afraid Abram, I am your shield, your very great reward."

Absolutely love this

Do not be afraid Betty Gracie

Do not have fear, worry, anxiety

I am your shield, your protector, your protection,

I got you covered from head to toe, side to side, completely

You are safe in the shadow of my wings.

Your very great reward

I am it all, you don't need anything or anyone else

I am more than enough

My love, compassion, mercy, grace

covers it all

covers all of you

You need nothing else, you just need me

You need to not be fearful

but to know

I am here

I am meeting your needs

I will meet your needs

I never forsake, never abandon

I never condemn, but forgive your sins when you come to me.

I am far greater than ANYTHING

this world has to offer

You don't need possessions, I know what you need

Seek me, trust in me

It will not be something you regret

You will be rewarded

with abundance of eternal life

abundant love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

God is more than enough

more than food, possessions, worry, anxiety, fear.

God knows what I need.

I will trust in you Lord!

(Of course, a little help winning the Lotto would be nice)

Thank you Betty, and also my dear friend Margene would like this.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Anxiety here.

Alright, I have to admit, I am nervous about starting back to the weightloss clinic. But, I know I need the accountability. But, again I am getting those damn fears of failure. It is even hard to see them in writing. I didnt want to admit to it. But, I am afraid of failure. I dont even know why I have these fears. I know I have gain some weight since I left the program. In my heart I know I wont fail, but my mind is telling me otherwise.

I have this goal to work towards and a big reason to lose the weight. But, the fear keeps creeping in.
At times, I think about the high you get when you step on the scale and it shows a loss. I miss that damn high for sure. I need to keep going til I hit the goal line. For gosh sakes, I live in San Diego, you cant be fat in San Diego, you just cant. There is so much to do here that the fat just gets in the way.

Plus, I want to be able to fly(in a plane) of course. I am afraid to fly, big time. But, I am also afraid about not being able to sit in the seat.  The bulk of my family lives in England, and my brother moved to Ohio. I would like someday to visit both.

These last several months have gotten to me. My brother being diagnosed with inoperable cancer, the selling of my parents things, then their house. The pain has gotten the best of me. Sometimes, I wonder when I will feel whole again. Selling of their house, and knowing I will never see it again has opened up a lot of the wounds that I tried to have hide.

Also, I have noticed that since gaining some weight, I have gotten back into that wishing I was invisible feeling again. I avoid people and certain situations. I am moving back into the shadows that I use to live in and would hide into. For a brief time, I was relishing the light and feeling like I belonged. But, now with some of the weight gain, I am going back into my shell of deep darkness. Tomorrow night I will see what damages these last few months have done to me. It will also be the beginning.

Friday, March 23, 2012

The Queen Mary

Well, I have to say that the Queen Mary in Long beach went above and beyond customer service. I mentioned to you that our trip last week to the Queen Mary became a bit of a huge disappointment. The tour we went to see, the midnight haunted tour was cancelled because the psychic became very sick. (ok, no jokes folks, I have heard them all this week). No she didnt see it coming.....The QM staff not only reimbursed me for the hotel room, the also will comp us to come see the tour again. WOW. I am excited, I think I will try to encourage me darling daughter to go back up in May or June. I really think that was so kind of them.

I am so tired, I hope to rest this weekend. I think I will throw a chicken into the crockpot tomorrow and make a soup. This weekend is suppose to be rainy again. The weather this week has been really brilliant. Today tho, is very cold and cloudy, oh well. I have charged my IPOD and am ready to go for my walk at lunch today. My eye seems to be getting better. The MD, said it was nothing, just a broken blood vessel.  One more MD visit on Tuesday night and then Wednesday back to the program. Yeah!

My little doggie Dakota is getting better. She kept me awake  off and on this AM. She wanted out then back in. Ugg. At one time, she wanted back in, so I opened the glass door to let her in, in comes a black lab and I start to walk back to bed when I realized it wasn't Dakota, it was the youngster Boomer. He was just pretending to be Dakota.  Then I noticed the collar was a different color. Now that Dakota has lost a lot of weight, I couldnt in the dark, tell them apart. It was pretty funny really. Because the boy labs do not come in the house, but Boomer apparently noticed I was tired and Dakota didnt get their fast enough for me to notice it wasnt her.  So I am walking down the hall with Boomer and stopped and was like hey wait a minute here. I said you are not Dakota and all of a sudden Boomers tail was a waggin crazy and he started to get all wiggly. Man he is sly!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I hope I didnt scare the children

with that picture of my eye. EECK. Tomorrow I have a MD appt so I will ask my doctor to check it out.
My Dakota seems to be improving, see saw the vet, a really lovely girl, who increased her insulin. I also, bought a dog food made for diabetic dogs. That was another fine expense. But, my koty is worth it. I went to my nurses appt yesterday for the weightloss center thru my medical group. It great to see all of them again. It is funny I really missed them all. They are all so supportive. I will be starting next Wednesday is the first class, then Thursday is the diet again. I am going to "try" to stay on mostly the protein shakes. They are yummy, but I want to get a good boost going before they add the veggies into my program. Of course, I can also use the oatmeal which is equal to the shake if I get hungry...

The real hunger games will start then. he he.. So much talk about that movie I had to throw it in. I have actually never even heard of it before.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


This is what I woke up too.

Some of the things we did.

Well lets see, Wednesday we went to LA's Chinatown first. Then to see Dodgers stadium, except you apparently cant. Then we went to the Hollywood Blvd to see the Kodak theater and visit Roosevelt hotel. The Hotel was beautiful, Kodak was ok.  We walked around on Hollywood Blvd. (Yucky place really). The we went to the hotel to change quickly into our Clippers shirts (purchased just for the game). The hotel was close enough to walk to Staples. We walked it was a nice walk, only about a mile thru many a homeless and past a Medicinal Marijuana pharmacy. It was a very busy place.  Because we are getting back to the hotel late (and because it was creepy at night)we decided to take a taxi.

Thursday we went to Madame Tussauds. It was nice and fun, but I have been to the one in London and there is no comparison at all.   We went to the Hollywood Museum. (Old and grungy).We then had lunch at the WB break room before we went on the WB studio tour. This was 2.5 hrs and had fun. After that we went to Pacific Park at Santa Monica Pier. Cold, but fun. We rode the roller coaster and the Farris Wheel. We walked the Pier and looked at the Sunset, there was a seal in the water. We watched him for a bit. We went back to the car. On our way they were filming a movie. Interesting.

Friday, we went to Griffith Park. Beautiful and the homes near it are stunning. We saw the Hollywood sign and we went to the Hollywood bowl. We then left to Universal Studios. We stayed there for several hours. Fun! We went to the Queen Mary hotel, checked in and quickly changed into our Ducks shirt (again, purchased just for this game). Then headed to the Honda Center. On the way out, back to our hotel we saw the Angels stadium.  So we get back to the Queen Mary and we are just strolling along the deck and we get the call at 10:45pm that the tour we are waiting for at midnight was cancelled. Ugh.

So, we strolled some more then we went to the bar and watch the band play. Then we went to our room and watched a little TV and fell asleep. We woke up to a brutal storm. We packed and drove home in this crazy rain. You couldnt even see at times.

But, it was good to be home, my daughter missed her pups and I missed my son and my pups. Especially worried about my Dakota. So that was my crazy time.

Monday, March 19, 2012


What a vacation. My daughter planned a perfect vacation. We did nearly everything on her itinerary.
We would leave the hotel about 9-10am every AM and return to the hotel at night usually at 10-11. We were on the go continuously between those hours. Seriously tho, LA highways truly suck. It is rush hour all day long. I will never complain about our San Diego freeways again. Hollywood is really trashy and dirty. But the museums were great and the studio tours were a blast.

Friday night our Ghost tour got cancelled at 11pm. It was to start at midnight. We were pissed. But my daughter and I toured the Queen Mary anyway. The ship is amazing.

Before I left for my trip though, my dog Dakota was sick, I took her to the vet on Tuesday and they did xrays and lab. The Vet said she had a stomach infection. The next day they called and said she also has diabetes. I was stunned. So, I went back to the vet and they showed me how to give her shots. I then had to get her prescription. So within 24 hrs I spent over 500 dollars. I literally left 10 minutes after dropping off the drugs. I showed my son how to give her shots and he took care of her for me the entire time.  I only see a little improvement, so I am going to bring her back for more lab test this week. I have 3 MD appointments and now I need to add the Vet. Plus, I might end up going to the doctor with my daughter.

I come back to work today and find out that one of my staff was off all week (sick). One of the abusers. Grrrrrr, I am pissed.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Monday Monday....

Well things didnt quite start off so well today. I had a doctor appt at 8:20, needed an H & P, an EKG and some fasting blood work. OK, so I get there at 8:00 and she said oh your doctor called in this AM and had a family emergency. Ok, I guess, I will see someone else. They have like 10 docs. But, nooooo, no one has any opening. So I asked them to ask the NP, I kinda know her pretty well. She ordered the lab for me and the EKG. So, at least I was able to get those done today. I will come back for the H&P. It is needed for the weightloss clinic.

Ok, I get to work, and yes someone called out sick. Oh well, no lunch break for me today. Tomorrow is my Friday, then I am on vacation. I am anxious, not a big fan of driving to places I dont go to much. LA is one of them.  It should be fun though. Weather might get a bit wet by the weekend. All last week it said how nice it was going to be this weekend. Apparently Mother Nature had a change of heart.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Yesterday I did something stupid

My back has been killing me now for a couple weeks. So yesterday, I thought I would take a 800mg Ibuprofen and half of a flexeril(Muscle relaxer). I usually never take these except at night. But, I thought half should be ok. It wasnt. At lunch instead of walking, I went and took a nap. Ugh, I felt like crap. It made me so frickin tired. Never again. I will just stick with the Ibuprofen.

Today is going to be a nice warm day. I really look forward to walking. I have been out of sorts lately. I am ready to take some time off work next week. It is my daughters Birthday and we will be spending up in LA LA land. We are going to see the Clippers and the Ducks and the Queen Mary. Weather should still be pretty nice. The only damper is the gas prices. But, what can ya do?

I have been experimenting with baby Bok Choy. Its really good. I made a stir Fry with it. I added to my egg white omelet. It was good. Its pretty versatile. I think my next adventure will be spaghetti  squash.
I saw a recipe from Hungry girl that looked really yummy.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

With things more settled

After my brother was diagnosed with inoperable stomach cancer, we had a lot of estate things to deal with. We had to sell my parents home(which still gives me nightmares). I dont think I will ever get over it. We had several estate sale to sell some of the items me or my three brothers didnt want. I had to drop out of of the weight loss program I was in. I just couldnt continue with all the other crap I was dealing with.

Well, now it is me time. I am starting back on 3/28/12. Now mind you I really havent gained much at all. but, I havent lost either. So I am really excited. I deserve it and I want it.

So, I have to start from scratch again, so Monday I go for my EKG and physical. Then I meet the following week with the RN and MD. Then I start the classes and program 3/28/12. Now, I plan on finishing what I started. The rest of the weight MUST go!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Should I feel guilty?

That our weather has been stunning. Nearly 90 degrees on Sunday. Most of the other states are having absolutely horrible weather.  Today should be a bit cooler. On Sunday alone, my son and I went thru two pitchers of home made Iced Tea. The dogs all went into the pool. I was in the kitchen and I yelled at one to get out when I saw the other one was already doing laps. I guess I cant blame them. If the pool water was warmer I would have been in too. I need to look for a cheap bird bath that I can put into the aviary before summer hits. Birds love taking baths.

Went to Costco on Sunday, it opened early so it wasnt crowded at all. I was out of Crimini's and my egg whites and turkey bacon. So, now I am set for a while.

I had to get gas, (not at Costco, line was way to long). Our gas is 4.38 a gal. Man does that suck!

I am hoping for a much better week. Last week was so bad, the stress made my back go out. And to top it off, I had to got to the other Hospital location for another Labor relations meeting Friday afternoon. I parked on the street and some real dick hit my car as he pulled out from behind me. He didnt even leave a note(of course). I think that was the final straw.  I came home and just sat in my big chair and didnt want to move.  I thought it was worse than it really was, the husband and son both clean it up and it turned out to be just a small scratch in the paint, no dent and very fixable. But still I am so glad the week was over. Today, I actually feel better, my back isnt hurting, no heart palpitations. So, wish me luck!

Friday, March 2, 2012

I am down on my knees

Thanking God for Friday.

 This has been the week from Hell. It has really been affecting me mentally and physically. Last night, my sweet son, built me a fire in the fireplace before he left for school. He got home about 7:00pm. I was in so much pain. Its kinda strange, the stress at work has thrown my back into a tizzy, but my back does not hurt when I walk at lunch(isnt that strange?).  So, back to the fire, we have this oversized chair near the fireplace so I laid sideways on it, with my feet dangling near the warmth of the fire. I really could have fallen asleep, my back was comfy and feet were toasty. Later on I decide to get up and clean the kitchen before I went to bed. That is when the S#^t hit the fan. I slighty moved and the pain was unbearable. I couldnt get up. Then I started to get the thigh spasms that would bring a elephant to his knees with pain. I cried out for my son, I started to panic mostly due to the pain being so unbearble. My son came and slowly helped me get up. But, I was so afraid that the thigh leg spasm would come back. I really, really cant handle that pain, it is so bad that my ears start to ring. So I just sorta sat there.  So I finally started to walk, my sweet boy cleaned the kitchen for me. I took a Xanax and went to bed, laid still, afraid to move, but blessedly I was able to fall asleep, thanks to the Xanax.

This morning, I feel better, the back isnt hurting much and no leg pains. So, I plan to walk at lunch, then go to a meeting at 1:00, but when it is over I'm outta here.