Friday, August 31, 2012

Brilliant idea

After reading Margene's blog, 
I realized this weekend is perfect for a veggie weekend. The fella's are all gone hunting. I think I will clean out the fridge, I will grab all the veggies that are left over and throw them together and roast them. I will have my dinners set for the weekend and a cleaned out fridge. Brilliant idea I say. Thanks Margene!

Its hard to tell

But it is darker
Ok, its really hard to

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Sorry about yesterday

I sure hope I didnt offend anyone with that silly story from yesterday. I think I carry an inner teenage boy in my spirit. Those type of things crack me up.**hangs head in shame**  ; ).

For some reason my spirit feels high and happy today. So, I want to thank God for that. It is sure a blessing to feel happy,  for what ever reason.

Last night we have an amazing lightening storm. Kept me awake most of the night, so I am exceptionally tired. But it was so worth it. I loved it.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Fart stories are funny

I am still crying from laughing so hard; so I had to share...enjoy!

Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it's the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that's "Silent But Deadly" for you prudes).

It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. That's when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good. He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. I'm not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn't want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a
15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms. We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn't allowed myself to eat in years. I didn't want to be "that girl" so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?

That's when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways - uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn't feeling well and probably needed to head home. On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn't having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks.
Then I realized ...

My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I'm in trouble. Big trouble. The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard. "Seriously, you need to hurry - I'm in a lot of pain." I managed to say through gritted teeth.

"Wow, it's that bad? What's wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?"
How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you're writhing in pain is because you have to fart?

Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.
People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out.
The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced it's way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I'm home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific, fart cloud.
Not in a, "am I smelling something?" sort of way. More like a "is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?" sort of way.

Suddenly, I panicked. "Roll down the windows!" I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).

"What? Why?" Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.
"I can't roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!"

"What's going on?" Rob yells back to me, "Why are you ..." then it hit him.
I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, "Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!" he screamed.

"Roll down the windows!" As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.

It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.

Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows.
We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.

We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way. He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, "Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!" and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.

I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.

Then I heard it. Rob's voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.

"Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?"

"Get away from the door!" I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist. "Ok, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*

"I'm fine, Rob - just leave the shoes there. I'll call you later okay?"

"Okay, are you sure you're ..."

"I'm fine! Get away from the door!"

This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin' hint!

Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last I'd hear from him. I didn't think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours. But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we're married and he's laying on the couch while I type this ... "It was your rack that saved you," he just lovingly reminded me.

Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Oye my aching body

This weekend I needed to clean out my aviary. I might have mentioned before that I have an aviary in my back yard with a bunch of cockatiels in it. Its about 7 feet long, 6 feet high and maybe 4 feet wide or something like that. Well birds are a messy group, they like to play in their food and dig through for there favorite things then the floor gets covered in seed. So, you would think it would be easy to rake clean. Well you'd be wrong, for one this I cant leave the door open or they would fly away. (So rude of them). So as not to stress them out, I get a small bucket, liners and a duster bottom and a tiny little scoop. Then I squat and rake it into the bucket, when it fills up, I take it out, replace the liner and continue. Well yesterday my ass and back of my thighs were killing me from squatting so much. And as I drink a ton of fluids I had to pee a lot. OMG, that killed to squat to take a tinkle. Oh well, I will survive and who knows maybe start doing more squats. Apparently it works those muscle.

Yesterday I come home from work, check my answering machine since it was blinking. Now I have a call from the defending attorneys office. He is going to call me today. Great.

Next week, I have to get a colonoscopy. Really it is no surprise to me that I keep getting heart palpitations. Life is grand!

Monday, August 27, 2012


Well Sunday was a quakey day here. Ironically I didnt feel a one. Hmm. Saturday I went to my hairdresser and asked her to darken my hair a bit, the pool keeps lightening it. So she did. I like it. But she was really concerned about me. She said I was not myself. Maybe I wasnt. I dont know, a little low down I guess. But this weekend should be nice and quiet. Work is the same and so is home. So maybe its just a little life burnout. A couple of lines from a song that seems to fit right now.  Hey, I am sure it will pass.

I’ve got my heart set on anywhere but here
 I’m staring down myself,
counting up the years

I think I’m moving but I go nowhere

Friday, August 17, 2012

What just happened

Its lunch time just ate my 250 calories salad, incl dressing. Still hungry, or maybe not, I know for sure its PMS. I was so craving chocolate. So I went to the cafe on the first floor. I was looking for something, I dont know what but something sweet. I looked at the pastries mmmmmmm, but not what I wanted. So I started looking at the chocolate, I mean that was what satisfy PMS always. But that wasnt it.
Next to the chocolate was a bowl of fruit. WTF are they kidding me, who wants fruit versus chocolate. My mind did... I mean my tummy was like give me chocolate, but my mind was saying do you know how many miles it would take to burn that chocolate.

DAMN DAMN DAMN..... I got an apple and a banana for later.... What happened to me :(

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Hmm something interesting

Today at work I have been swamped, then to top it off I have to deal with a difficult employee Ugh.
I had enough, I was so pissed so I left before I said something that I really wanted to say. So I took my walk. Its hot, but much better than it has been. So I waddle my ass to the parking structure and did my walk. Its so funny, I was so pissed and I walked so fast. I did those levels X2 so fast I couldn't believe it. So, remind me to get pissed again because it was awesome. It was so funny, at least to me, how fast I did it. I walked back to my office and my boss asked if I was OK. He knew I was pissed, and I laughed and said I feel so much better.

I have been hooked on this Peak Iced tea,(Diet) I have been bringing the 59 oz bottle to work and drink it in no time flat. I know I should make my own, but I'm lazy. I will make it on weekends, but it is so convenient to bring it. Plus I have my 2.5 gallon of Arrowhead water. I am not fond of Arrowhead, but I usually add crystal light so what the hell, its cheap.

Well lets recap my post, apparently I have anger issues, I am lazy and cheap. Hmmmmm

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The heat is on......

Well, I hate to complain since the bulk of the US has had to deal with the heat most of the summer. But, I'm a So Cal gal and thats what we do. OK, last month my SDG&E bill was nearly 300 bucks. Now, that is without this current heat wave which is to last at least thru next week. So, hmmm what will it be next month. 400 bucks. OMG... but what do you do. It is triple digit and sucks.

Walking has taken every ounce of will-power to do. It is really really hot, but the parking structure has helped. But the drinking of Iced Tea, water and crystal light has been a breeze.

Now, we dont run the AC until about 2pm. You see my darling son is home, college summer break. Apparently he has been trying to get a job all summer. Now, dont crucify me because I have my doubts about that. Now, I love my son dearly he is my heart and soul as is my daughter. But, the boy stays up til 3am and sleeps til 2pm. Now exactly when the (f-bomb) is he looking. He goes back to school in about a weeks time so hells bells I think the job opportunity has slipped by us.

Labor day, the men in the house are going hunting. Apparently it is opening day. They go to this hell hole, smelly-ass town called El Centro. Now, you truly can smell this town miles away before you even get there. It is a farming town and in the midst of the desert. It is usually unbearably hot and miserable. But, the good thing is I will have the entire Labor day holiday with the house to myself (and the dogs). Now, the guys usually hunt for Dove. To be honest, Dove is not a delicacy and is about the size of my cockatiels. What a waste of time. I wont even eat them. They are usually full of shot and you have all these dang tiny pellets in them. Ugh awful....Oh well, I will enjoy the peace and quiet.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Monday's suck!

Ya, me a grouchy biotch today, so forgive me. Our new tenants moved in Saturday. I hope they are as good as they made themselves out to be. I am such a naive fool at times, I really am.

I met with the Assistant DA, got to say, she is a pretty little thing and loves dogs. Hmmm, who da thunk it.  We met for an hour at my house, I was recorded for my depo. I was given a subpoena for the trial which is slated for 9/11. Seriously could it have come on a worse fricking date. I asked them to please not subpoena my daughter as she didn't see anything I didn't see and in fact less. When I talked to her about it last week she wasn't answering me on the phone as I talked, I then asked are you still there, and in a tiny voice she said yes. Poor thing was crying. I hate bringing back these memories for her. But, they said they had to subpoena her too. They said we would come on the same day so we would be together.

This weekend sucked. It was 104 on Saturday and I had to go buy a fridge for the rental. It seemed worse on Sunday.  On Sunday, we had a lot of rain clouds(no rain for us) a lot of humidity but with the cloud cover made it a perfect time to go swimming for a while. Of course, the pool is luke warm from the heat. But all in all it was refreshing. The dogs enjoyed the swim also. I had to give the birds in the aviary a shower so I turned on the sprinkler for them. They loved it.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Do I remember it

I got a phone call tonight from the DA's office. He said" I am calling you about a fatal accident that happened on August err April ummmm 4th. I have that you and your daughter were witnesses. Do you remember it? "   Really, I mean really dude, do I remember it?? I felt like asking him WTF. I said "Do I remember it.......................... do I remember it................ummm nearly every night."  He and his partner are coming over tomorrow AM to my house to meet with me. Great, no sleep tonight.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

What a great USA soccer game!


Wowza, yesterday was frickin hot as heck. And that was to be the coolest day of the week. The rest of the week will be triple digits. Yesterday at lunch, I took a different path for my walk. I need to get far away from work. Just needed a change of scenery. It was hot, on the way back from my walk I stopped at the ED and they have a water and Ice machine and I grabbed a cup of ice and chewed it back to my office. It was a great help. Then I drank a couple of tall cups of Iced tea within a few minutes.

Today, I will most likely walk in the parking structure. It is boring, there are only so many cars I can admire as I walk. But, it will be so much cooler than hitting the streets.

Last night I get home and my darling son had the AC on for me..aaawww.. But after a while I just had to go for a swim, that pool was calling  my name... I am sure it will again tonight. 

We have a little garden growing in our backyard. Last night I  peeled and diced up some butternut squash and roasted it with some carrots. It was so yummy. Its fun cooking what you grow. Our tomatoes are so much better than store bought. Heck, I just might do it again tonight but maybe add some salmon. I buy my salmon at Costco. Its a big fillet, then I slice it up in about a 2.5 to 3 inch steaks and freeze them individually. So I just grab a bag when ever I want my salmon. It is so nice.  I love me some seafood, especially salmon.

Wednesday and Thursday the plastering crew are going to stucco the rental. I must say, I really feel sorry for them. It will be unbelievable hot. Well, I guess thats why the get the big bucks.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Hmm Hmm GOOD

Ok, last night I got off my bootie and prepared better for my breakfast today and lunch. I made a yummmy egg white omelet with zucchini and baby bells and shredded chicken breast. I added a little Topatio. Much better than crunchy over-cooked LC pizza. 

I am so happy today is Friday, this weekend we should be almost done with the rental house. Once inside is done, we are then having the house re-stuccoed.

I am so hoping for a peaceful weekend.
Work has been so stressful and busy lately. Ugh. But I have a good job and should count my blessings.

My lunch walks have been really good and positive for me. Of course, I havent found any more money. Damn MD's why cant they drop a few bucks out of their lab coats when they get out/in their cars. I also haven't seen the little coyote for a while. They are still doing tons of construction out here so I think they scared him off to the other canyon.

Weather wise, its been humid but ok really. I sure am wanting to see some rain though. I love rain and of course we rarely get it. Years ago, and I mean many years ago, when I was pregnant, I was dying in the heat and I use to watch the weather channel and look at the rain in other places. It made me feel better. Yep, I just jinxed myself, now we'll get flooding... yep thats me.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

OK, I dont do this often

But yesterday I stayed home sick. I have an ear infection but that started Monday and I can deal with that at work. Actually it makes worker easier since I cant hear out of that ear. :)  But I  woke up from sleep at 4:30 with stomach pain. I thought I was dreaming until I realized "damn I am awake". I felt like crappola. So, I stayed home. UGH.... Today I needed to come to work no matter what. I have two meetings tomorrow and so much other stuff. I had a MD appointment for Friday, but moved it til next week. Two days off in one week is tough, so if I can avoid it I will. My MD appointment is for leg cramps. I get the cramps in my calfs or thighs or feet nearly everyday. I thought it was from walking, but I have been doing that for over a year now and damn, I should be used to it. So maybe it is from something else.

This AM, I didnt feel like making something for breakfast so I heated a lean cuisine pizza. I have to ask, but is it strange that I over cook it so that it is very crunchy. It makes it harder to eat and I eat it slower.  If it is soft, then I eat it on two to three bites. Where as, the over-done version takes me twice as long. I know, it is weird.....Then because it is over done, I drink more of my Iced tea...which fills me up even more. Bahaha...This is so weird.

The weather is getting cooler which helps with my walks. Monday during my walk I found a dollar. Wohoooooo. So the rest of the walk I kept looking for more. O!
I wonder if I will find any today?