Friday, December 24, 2010

Now it's "The Eve"

While I am sitting her drinking my Lipton Sparkling strawberry/kiwi green tea with zero calories, shit that stuff is good. I need to tell you about something that happened last night. I was on my facebook and I noticed my niece's new pix she posted, then I came across one the she had taken while we were at my other niece's wedding early this summer. She was actually taking a pix of her mom (my SIL) and there I was in the pix sitting behind her mom. I just stared at this pix if was awful. I mean, I was gross. So fucking disgustingly fat. Mammoth! I just stared at this picture, then I cried. How can that be me. How could I have showed my face to my family. What were they thinking when they saw me.  I was so ashamed. You know we fat people rarely get our picture taken and looking in the mirror I guess we dont really see our self as we are. Even now, it is so awful.  Jesus I could of,  should of, had a heart attack and mostly likely would have if I kept going.  I am glad I saw this picture though (in a sick way). this will keep me on track. The shame I felt and still feel is over whelming.

The other day I went  see my DD after the gym and she told, boy you are looking so good. And I laughed and said ya as good as a 266 lb woman could look.   Now believe me I am not taking it lightly that I have lost 39 lbs since 10/13/10 by any means. I am so fucking happy. But I will not stop until I get to look normal again. So sorry for such a downer post.

No comments: