Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Its been awhile for sure.

I met with my primary family doctor. She explained the surgery for me a bit. She did prepare me that the surgery is fairly intense and that there is still a slight(She didn't add slight) that they might find cancerous cells in the pathology after surgery. She is completing my disability forms, she put me out until 2/1/13. She put it out there in case chemo would be needed. She really is sweet. She told me
"things will get better, just not today".  Surprisingly it did make me feel better.

 I have been going to work to put all my little ducks in a row(as in staffing). I am the manager and Executive Assistant for the Director. I have been told before that I am his right hand.  I always laugh and say uh no I dont do that...Sorry mind in gutter. I actual work with his wife, she is the assistant Director. I cant leave them hanging they really do rely on me. I do try to make their job easier. They have a stressful job. The more I can do for them the more the have time to focus on their patients.

Friday, I meet the surgeon. I am feeling extremely anxious.  I have been going to the gym everyday and eating good. Really need to get in tip top shape.  I know after my gall bladder surgery, I was walking right from the gurney to my bed and all night. I was back at the gym 7 days later.

I know it wont be like that as this surgery is more severe, but I have high hopes. Hey my dear friend Allan, keep up the good post and kick butt attitude. I read it daily and it helps me stay focus on the gym and what I must do. This is more than just for weight loss but for my life buddy.

I have been really tuning into my spiritual side and talking with God a lot.  I am really going to need him and I want him to know that. Sometimes, I get brief panic attacks, and I ask him to send calming light to me. It helps beleive me.

I will let you know what the surgeon says. I hear he is exceptionally good looking. Hmmm, maybe it's time for a waxing.?? I think so. : )

Friday, September 14, 2012

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Pathology report is in

The physician called me and the pathology report states benign. Thank you Lord.
Now my brothers tumor was reported 3x as benign then came back as inoperable cancer. But this is not my brothers tumor and I am holding faith that after the surgery it will still be all benign.

I feel like a new woman. The trial is over and the path report came back in my favor.  One thing I thought about while I was facing my mortality was how are my kids going to remember me. And all I could think about was the regret for not getting all my weight off and the kids remembering me as fat. I know they would remember the love I had for them, but when looking at picture they would see a fat mom. I feel like I have been given a second chance. I am going to run with it. I am changing my life as I know it. I am going to lose all the weight, I am going to become healthier and become a better person.
For the colonoscopy I pretty much couldnt eat for nearly 48 hrs and you know what it didnt kill me. Ironically I wasnt even hungry. I could drink my fluids and I survived. So, if I can do that, who knows what I can do when I set my mind to it. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

From the depths of my heart I cant thank you all enough. My friends Betty, Margene, Julie and my good friend Allan and all his followers . What truly kind people. They didnt even know me, but came and wished me well and sent prayers and positive thoughts. I am so touched by the kindness I received and am blessed with knowing some wonderful and good people. God Bless you all.

It's done.

— A young man accused of racing another driver on state Route 52, which led to a crash that killed two East County teens and injured others, pleaded guilty today to a felony charge.
Michael S. Johnson, 18, admitted he engaged in a speed contest last April and will likely be placed on probation at a sentencing hearing next month.
Under the conditions of probation, he will have to serve 180 days in county jail and complete 30 days of volunteer work with Mothers Against Drunk Driving or a similar organization.
If he violates any of those terms, he could be sent to prison.
San Diego Superior Court Judge Eugenia Eyherabide accepted Johnson’s plea and scheduled a status conference for Sept. 21, when Johnson is expected to be taken into custody. Until then, he remains free on bail.
Johnson was one of two teenagers charged in connection with the crash that killed Anthony Foreman, 18, a graduate of El Capitan High School in Lakeside, and Jayli Campbell, 16, a student at Santana High School in Santee.
Johnson was among a group of teens who were returning home after a bonfire party at La Jolla Shores the night of April 4, when the crash occurred. Prosecutors said Johnson, who was driving a Volvo S40, and the driver of a Volkswagen Passat were racing at speeds exceeding 100 mph when the 16-year-old driver of the Volkswagen lost control.
The vehicle flipped several times before coming to rest.
The 16-year-old, who is not being identified because he was charged as a minor, pleaded guilty in Juvenile Court to gross vehicular manslaughter. He was placed on probation in July and ordered to spend up to a year in a youth camp.
Outside the courtroom, Deputy District Attorney Kristen Spieler said she hopes the case will send a message to people — particularly young drivers — that they can be held responsible if their actions contributed to the deaths or injuries of others. That’s true, she said, even if the accused wasn’t behind the wheel of a car that crashed.
As a result of Johnson’s plea, other charges filed against him, including vehicular manslaughter, were dropped.
Johnson’s lawyer, Russell Babcock, said outside the courtroom that his client chose to accept responsibility for participating in a speed contest and wants to begin serving his time in jail before his official sentencing date.
“We’re very saddened by the pain that the families feel and the losses that they’ve experienced,” Babcock said.
Parents of the teens who were killed were in the courtroom today. Mark Foreman, Anthony’s father, told reporters that the plea allows the families and the community to move forward.
At this point, he said, it’s difficult to determine whether the case resolved fairly. He said he may look back three years from now, when and if Johnson’s probation is done, and feel that justice was served.
“I don’t think (the word) ‘fair’ plays into this,” Foreman said. “He’s got challenges ahead and I recognize those challenges and they are strong.”
Johnson’s sentencing hearing is set for Oct. 10.

DA's office

(Last nights post)
Well the pretty little Assistant DA just called me and the other boy plead guilty so there will be no trial. I am so grateful not to have to go thru that right now. In a way, maybe it will be time for healing, I can only hope so. As I mentioned before there are no winners in this, only pain. But, Lord thank you for this.

My wonderful son googled colon cancer and tumors. He found out what I should eat and drink. So funny. I am such a big tea drinker, he had his dad go to Costco  and buy a BIG box of green tea and spinach and such. Apparently green tea is good for the colon. So to pacify him, I am drinking Green Iced Tea.  Also, I need to eat leafy greens,spinach,broccoli cauliflower and cabbage,  root veggies, legumes and blue berries and berries. Beets and onions. Whole grains. So, now he is watching everything I am eating and drinking. So for dinner, I am having a stir fry of spinach, onions, mushrooms, cabbage and my tofu shirataki noodles.

Well at least it is all good for the old diet. Lord I love that kid.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Thank you

I really appreciate all the kindness from you all. I feel like I am such a downer lately. So here!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Well damn

I had the colonoscopy and it didnt go as planned. They found a tumor. Now I need to wait for the pathology report. Some of you might remember my brother was diagnosed last summer with inoperable colon cancer. So, I am scared. I sure could use some prayers from those of you who are willing to send them. Thank you.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Todays the day

Well in a couple hours I am off to the medical center for the test. You know what is really strange. I have not been allowed to eat, only drink clear liquids for nearly 48 hours. I am strangely not even hungry. It turns out apparently my body is well insulated with enough fat that it didn't even miss food. I have not even had hunger pains. Hmmmm, I dont know why, but I find that fascinating. Well off I go.

Thursday, September 6, 2012


Well yesterday I ended up at my doctors for an ear infection. I was hoping thinking that since I had an infection they might want to not do the colonoscopy tomorrow on me. Aren't the anus and ear closely related.?

Well of course she laughed in my face and said DO IT!. Bitch.  Just kidding. She gave me antibiotic ear drops. Now I cant hear in one ear and I can't eat for two days. Hmmmm great. I stocked up on Iced tea and diet Pepsi and crystal light and yummy water. Today at 3:00 I have to take the poop maker and then again tomorrow at 7:00 am. I go in tomorrow at noon and then they sedate me.(Thank God) Not sure I could have controlled my reaction when the try to stick the tube up my bootie. I mean really no wine, cuddling or dinning first? Serioulsy I am not that kinda gal.

The medical group sends these recorded messages to my phone.. Get this damn test done. Of course they are much nicer. I go to my PCP, first question is not how are you, but when is your colonoscopy. Criminey. Ok, I do know I need it, but with my brother having inoperalable stomach/colon cancer it is stressful wondering what the results will be.

Oh well, I guess I will drop of a few lbs in the process. Well a few prayers wont hurt thats for sure.
I may sound like I'm laughing, but its the Xanax kicking in. : )

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


A friend gave us these squash. Now, I have seen them before but dont know how to cook them. Anyone have any suggestions.