Tuesday, January 25, 2011

OMG I feel like crap

Ok, I have caught my sons cold. Yuck, I feel like crap. I have fever, runny nose,sore throat waaagh :(.
I know I wont be able to have surgery until I am feeling better. I am still waiting for the consult with the surgeon. But I assume I will need to be healthy before surgery. My son has a cough, and if I get that , it would like hell to be coughing after having an organ removed. AAAAAgh. 

Well tonight is my weigh in and class. I have not been on  my diet properly since all this happened. Of course, I didnt eat anything bad or that would give me another attack. But, I haven't been working out like I usually do. Not even my walks at lunch. I will be glad when all of this is over and I can get back to normal. I have been pushing to get water in, but I have been sleeping anytime I can, so I am not making my min.
Well, hope things get better soon.

You know I was thinking that this gallbladder issue isnt related to fast weight loss, really, it is what I did to myself before the weight loss. I know I never thought about what I ate and how it will affect my body in the long run. Not just being morbidly obese, that was obvious. But to my heart and every other organ. What a fricking fool I was. I guess an alcoholic,smoker and drug abusers also try to ignore what they are doing. I was not much different than these people. All my problems come from what I did to myself. I only have myself to blame. I let myself down. I am not a stupid person by any means, naive yes, stupid not so much. But I did do so  many stupid things in my life and the weight was the biggest. What a fool I am/was and I hope I use this as a learning experience or you can call me stupid. Because if I dont learn from my mistakes than I am the biggest fool ever.

Ok, I keep adding on. You know what is really stupid, I mean really really stupid. I love food that is good for you. I mean I am totally into veggies. God I love them. I love grilled/baked roasted meats and poultry and I am so into seafood. So WTF is wrong with me, why did I do it. Was it pure laziness? Was it pressure from others to eat fastfood? What is really bullshit is that I still crave fastfood. WTF is wrong with me.I really believe my entire problem is/was fast food and just laziness to not work out. Shit I have had a membership to the gym for years. Didnt use it, always said I gonna start or I'm gonna start going back-ya what a kicker. I mean the high I have been getting from the gym is crazy. I do the treadmill for almost 2 miles and I am so proud of myself. It is like a high. I mean it is hard for sure, but I never regret it when I go.  So why didnt I? Ya, many reason, long days at work, tired, need to be with the kids or yadda yadda yadda.
Bullshit reasons.  Why is this all coming to me today. I dont know really. Maybe the fear of the surgery and the unknown got me thinking How the fuck did I get here?


RickGetsFit.ca said...

Sounds like getting sick has really got you down. You've made great strides - get healthy and back in that groove! Cheers, Rick

The Ninja said...

I totally feel you on the loving good food, I always have loved it as well, garbage food was always just so much easier.

Avoid the plague, Jeeves says coughing will make you want to die post surgery.

Maria said...

I get that high on the treadmill, too! Try not to worry how you got here, you've done great losing weight so far. You have to get over this bump in the road (admittedly surgery is a big bump...). Just worry about where you go fom here!