Monday and a new week

Well, I am doing better, I think maybe I still have a sinus infection. I dont know ,I will see. If I do, I will get me a z-pak. I went to the gym yesterday and it felt good, I  did over 1.5 miles on the treadmill and the weight equipment. We did get a lot of rain, but I think its over so I will go for a walk at lunch. Trying to get back to normal. Who knew that my normal would include exercise? LOL certainly not me.

You know, I read a lot of the blogs out there on weightloss. I have noticed several who post their menu for the day. I am not sure, it could just be me. BUT the calories just don't seem to add up. I know when I look at their food. It seems like the calories would be or should be higher than listed. I could be wrong.  I have noticed that some put cheese on their salads and mark that as > or less than what I think. Some of these items in a salad are very high in fat and calories. I just think that they are kidding themselves with the calorie count. I even see fast food listed as lunch items. Geez, I haven't had fast food since Oct. I just think that eating fast food on your diet is crazy hard. They have so many hidden calories.  When I first was looking at these I would wonder how they could eat that, I was a little shocked really.  I did a little research(very little, a google here and a google there) but it doesn't seem possible. I guess they are only hurting themselves but when you claim to be working out a lot and on this low calorie diet and are not being truthful it will come back to you. Especially in the long run. In order to keep weight off we need to change our lifestyle not just for the short term diet but for a long healthy life and keep the weight off. Maybe I am just rambling on and on. Oh well it was just something I noticed. Hey more power to ya. I couldn't eat fast food and lose weight but that's just me.

Other news, my DD got a new puppy. She has one dog a yellow lab and she is a wonderful dog. Probably the sweetest dog I ever met. Now she got a little choc lab. He is really sweet. She sends me a text pix. I called her and said "now what have you done". She said congratulations you have a new grandson. LOL  He really is sweet and OMG that puppy smell can make you melt. Really a mellow guy so far. Her yellow lab is like "oh hell no". She is use to being the baby and now he shows up. I actually think he will grow on her. He seems to just love her. Cute Cute Cute.

Sunday and not so sunny

Well, just weighed in for Allan I was down 2 lbs was actually more but Allan, wants us to round it off so I went with the lower weight. Why you ask. Funny thing, I don't think I earned the extra bit. No exercise, lower water intake that I should.  But, I have showered, got dressed and I am going to the gym today. Yeah me! I actually am feeling better. After reviewing my post from the last few days. I was such a whiner. Geez you think I was a dude. (No offense Allan and Rick). But geez, could I have whined anymore? I was feeling down in the dumps, with the pending surgery then getting sick ugh. But that still is no reason to whine. Man, I hope I don't get sick again for  a long while. I might lose the few followers I have. Lord knows I was getting sick of myself.  But this next week I cant wait to kick butt on my diet and exercise.  Of course, karma is a (you know). Now the husband is sick. Oh brother !
Of course, that doesn't stop him from fishing. :o

Hey Brett if you are out there... I miss you and hope things are ok. I haven't seen you post for a while and the last one was really sad. Come back...thinking of you !

Saturday and doing better

Yesterday I did go to work until noon. Then went home sick. Damn! I do actually feel better today. Found out that the surgeon's office will call next week. Its weird I am feeling bloated. Not sure, could be the gallbladder issues or maybe TOM is coming to visit, but I think that would be next week. Or it could be that I have not exercised for a week. I know I was going to start walking Monday, but I think I am going to go to the gym tomorrow. Give it a shot. This bug has knocked me out, but I am doing better today, so tomorrow I should be even better, right? The weather here is changing a bit. The last few days have been very warm and really effing dry. Awful, I think it might have been a Santa Ana, which could be the reason I was so sick. People tend to have their allergies go full throttle on Santa Ana's, the dry heat and dry winds tend to wreck havoc on our sinus's.   But better I am getting, still feeling a lot of fatigue, but that too is getting better. I will be so much happier when I am back to normal.

Friday and I am so exhausted

Ok, so I made it to work today. Why? I dont know, but I figured it was Friday and I could make it one day. Right? Well we will see. I am still very sick. But, hopefully with each day I will get better. My goal is to Start walking again on Monday.  I am going to continue drinking the water and of course, I am going to stay on the diet. No chances of gallbladder attacks. I will call today to find out on my status of seeing a surgeon. I think Jacqui is right, I shouldn't wait on the surgery. I think I was just worn out and not thinking it thru. As soon as I am better and  without a cough I will start the process. Well if I think of anything else. I'll come back to post.

What day is it?

OMG, I have been home in bed for two days. My son's cold(thank you son) is knocking me out. I have missed work for two days which is very unusual for me. I rarely miss work. As I am typing this, I am coughing, my nose is nonstop running and the dog is snoring her but off. At least my fever is gone. I hope to be back to work tomorrow. Still no word from the surgeon. Actually, I was thinking about postponing the surgery til spring. I figure I need to watch what I eat, drink a lot of water. I might not get anymore attacks.  I have had days now without exercising and it is wearing on me emotionally. I feel like I am letting myself down. But, I need to get better.  I went to my weigh in Tuesday night, lost 2.5 lbs. So they have me at 49 lb loss. Which is awesome. I know the difference is because I am  weighing at night for the clinic and AM on Sunday for Allan. . I haven't weighed myself since I have been sick. Don't think I have lost, since I am not working out at all. I really miss that. I was in the zone.lol. When I have lost 50 lbs according to the weight clinic they will take my picture again and my measurements. I know that the exercising has helped so much with my weight loss. Its is the inches that are making my pants baggy also.

OMG I feel like crap

Ok, I have caught my sons cold. Yuck, I feel like crap. I have fever, runny nose,sore throat waaagh :(.
I know I wont be able to have surgery until I am feeling better. I am still waiting for the consult with the surgeon. But I assume I will need to be healthy before surgery. My son has a cough, and if I get that , it would like hell to be coughing after having an organ removed. AAAAAgh. 

Well tonight is my weigh in and class. I have not been on  my diet properly since all this happened. Of course, I didnt eat anything bad or that would give me another attack. But, I haven't been working out like I usually do. Not even my walks at lunch. I will be glad when all of this is over and I can get back to normal. I have been pushing to get water in, but I have been sleeping anytime I can, so I am not making my min.
Well, hope things get better soon.

You know I was thinking that this gallbladder issue isnt related to fast weight loss, really, it is what I did to myself before the weight loss. I know I never thought about what I ate and how it will affect my body in the long run. Not just being morbidly obese, that was obvious. But to my heart and every other organ. What a fricking fool I was. I guess an alcoholic,smoker and drug abusers also try to ignore what they are doing. I was not much different than these people. All my problems come from what I did to myself. I only have myself to blame. I let myself down. I am not a stupid person by any means, naive yes, stupid not so much. But I did do so  many stupid things in my life and the weight was the biggest. What a fool I am/was and I hope I use this as a learning experience or you can call me stupid. Because if I dont learn from my mistakes than I am the biggest fool ever.

Ok, I keep adding on. You know what is really stupid, I mean really really stupid. I love food that is good for you. I mean I am totally into veggies. God I love them. I love grilled/baked roasted meats and poultry and I am so into seafood. So WTF is wrong with me, why did I do it. Was it pure laziness? Was it pressure from others to eat fastfood? What is really bullshit is that I still crave fastfood. WTF is wrong with me.I really believe my entire problem is/was fast food and just laziness to not work out. Shit I have had a membership to the gym for years. Didnt use it, always said I gonna start or I'm gonna start going back-ya what a kicker. I mean the high I have been getting from the gym is crazy. I do the treadmill for almost 2 miles and I am so proud of myself. It is like a high. I mean it is hard for sure, but I never regret it when I go.  So why didnt I? Ya, many reason, long days at work, tired, need to be with the kids or yadda yadda yadda.
Bullshit reasons.  Why is this all coming to me today. I dont know really. Maybe the fear of the surgery and the unknown got me thinking How the fuck did I get here?

Sunday and sunny skies

Ok, weigh in today for Allen and I'm down 3 lbs. Yippeee. It makes it 50 lbs off since 10/13.

I feel like I am coming down with a cold. Damn that boy of mine. Of course, I find that when my mindset is down such as worrying over gallstones, I am more susceptible to catching a cold or illness.  And I have bee stressing for sure. I think I will go to the gym and watch a football game or two. I am not sure who I am rooting for, but I do have my boy LT still playing.  Laundry is always a given on a weekend. But besides that, I am gonna take it easy and rest up for next week. I have so many meetings next week it sorta puts a damper on my work week. (I hate meetings).

But the weather is perfect here (sorry Allan and anyone else suffering from mother nature). I am going to make some Iced tea, but use decaf bags and enjoy the warm sun today.

I find myself taking our weather for granted sometimes. But when I notice what most people have to deal with, I need to really count my blessings.

Sunny Saturday

First off, I want to thank everyone who have been sending me positive  and warm comments. It means the world to me since I have been nervous about it. It is easing my mind and I thank you from the bottom of my heart (near my gallbladder lol).

Today is going well, drinking my water and Ice tea. I googled gallstones and what to avoid. It mentions coffee, but I was wondering about iced tea. Does anyone know if I should avoid tea?

I am going to meet my daughter at the gym this afternoon and work out with her. Yeah , I love seeing my DD. I will be interested in what tomorrows weigh in will bring. I have increased my water, but decreased the exercise from just being worried and uncomfortable.

It is really nice here today, we have a sunny warm with a slight breeze type of day. Its about 70 degrees so I have to wear my sweats an ugg boots. LOL just joking. (not really :( )

Diagnosis Gallstones

Ok the results are in and it is gallstones. So I will get a referral to a surgeon next week. We go from there. I am, in a way, relieved to know what it is. But still nervous about the surgery. I have heard it is same day surgery. Which would be great. I am going to limit my food intake until then. I just dont want to take any chances. I will load up on water and keep a troddin on. I did work out yesterday and it was good. I will go to the gym tomorrow. I feel like I am slowly getting back to myself again. The weight seems to be goin down which I am happy about.Today I was told nothing to eat or drink for 6 hrs prior to test. After my test I went to Walmart, Costco and a grocery store. By the time I was in the grocery store I starving and dying of thirst. I picked up a coke zero for the ride home. While I was shopping the temptation to pick up a quick snack was just incredible. I looked at a little Debbie pie and I thought what could one do to hurt me? I startled myself on how quick my fat ways can ease back into my life. I literally cussed myself out and of course I did not stoop so low as to buy anything to snack on. I drank my zero on the ride home. Put everything away, drank a bottle of water, than another one. I cooked a lean cuisine and made my shake. You know I dont think I could have handled the guilt of cheating and the gallstones all in one day. I am glad I was strong.

Thursday and its my Friday

Well, doing very well. Trying to not eat, dont want to cause a gallbladder attack. Drinking mainly water and protein shakes. Tried to walk at lunch yesterday, but stomach really hurt. I felt crappy. But I am going to give it another shot today. I have tomorrow off due to getting the ultrasound. I am a bit nervous, not to get an ultrasound but to see what they find. If its not gallstones, then what is it? I am thinking gallstones is probably the best one to get versus other things that it could be.  But, trying to drink a lot of water as that seems to make me feel better. Not really following my diet like I should. I am drinking the protein shakes, but really no food. It shouldnt hurt my diet really. I mean, I should lose weight.

My baby boy is back at school. Ya, he seemed better last night. Still had cough, but that will last for a while. It always does. Plus, if he gets ill, he can drive home. But, he gets off at noon anyway. Ah, to be a senior in high school again. Good times.

Ok, feeling better

 My stomach still aches, but it is what it is. Went to my weightloss class last night and lost 2.5 lbs. Ya, but even better spoke to the MD there and he said if I get another attack before Friday to go to the urgent care or ER while having the attack. I guess the ultrasound picks up the problem while it is inflamed or active. So I will. But today I am back on my feet, gonna take my walk at lunch, didnt do it yesterday nor did I eat. I was kinda skeered lol.  My son is still home sick, but seems a bit better. You know your world turns topsy turvy when your babies, no matter how old or big, are sick. My poor baby. On my way home from class, I stopped off at Jack in the Box to get him a smoothie for his throat.  Normally I would make it myself, but it was late and I was tired. He was so happy. :)  

Tuesday and its a crappy one

OK, went to MD . I have been having these abdominal pain attacks, thought it was stress related. I even have pepto at my desk at work. Well, my MD(lovely lady really) said, ah no, I dont think so. Sounds to her like it is gall bladder attacks. She said especially since I lost a good amount of weight in a short time. This can happen. So Friday I have to have a ultrasound. I am nervous as she said that surgery would be the only cure.
To make things worse, my baby boy is home sick with fever, sore throat , swollen glands.  I have a big headache. I wanna go home from work, but my boss (who is a MD) is not here yet. So I am waiting til he gets here then I think I,m outta here. I just need a xanax.

Geez Louise my post lately have been real downers.....

MLK

What an amazing day to have off. It's so bloody hot nearly 90 degrees today. I have been non stop Iced tea drinking(Of course, sugar free). My baby (18yo 6ft) boy isn't feeling well. He kept telling me he was ok, but he had a cough and I looked at him, he was flushed with fever. I gave him some Ibuprofen and off to take a nap. It doesn't matter the age, we always worry about them.  It doesn't help that it is so flippin hot. But he has a nice fan in his room, so it will stay cool.

Tomorrow is back to work. I wonder who will show up.lol.  Last night, around 8pm, I started to get a stomach ache, I have gotten it now about 3 times in the last 3 weeks. I've been popping the ole pepto, but last night that didn't work, I tried Tums, no help, drank water, drank milk. Man I was suffering until 1:00 am when I could finally fall asleep. I have a doctor appt tomorrow for something else, I think I am going to talk to her about that. I hope it's not an ulcer. Damn. Enjoy your day off.

Happy Birthday Dad

I just want to wish my dad, the most wonderful man God ever created a Happy Birthday, I love you and I miss you more than you'll ever know. I think of you and mom always. The loneliness and grief are always knocking at my door. I want you to know that I know you came and visited for the last time. I heard you and felt you, but you did scare the heck out of the dog. I hope you and mom are celebrating your birthday and thinking of us. I love you both and A and T miss you so much.

Sunny Saturday.

Well my haridresser called me and is sick. Thats ok, I can wait. Went to the seamstress to have two pair of pants taken in. Seems to be a habit now. I am still feeling down in the dumps. I just dont get it. I weighed myself this AM and only seem to be down one pound. I got home very late from work, which then followed up with  a late dinner. I didnt prepare in advance, which would have been nice. But, just have been tired. So I peeled the carrots and cut them up, prepared the Brussel sprouts and cauliflower and I roasted them. They were great, of course, but I finished eating and cleaning up about 8pm. I never eat that late. I did cook enough for today. I went to target, my daughter said I needed a sports bra cause my Ta Ta's have shrunk a bit an the bra is baggy and I could put an orange in it if I ever needed a snack. Well, went to try on sports bra's. Let me tell you those things suck for big Ta Ta ladies like myself. Yes they  have shrunk, but they are still large. I put one on, and it looked like I had a uni- boob. It was awful. Forget about it! (That's for Allan). So, I finished shopping at Target, Son called needed milk. Damn, I was going to the gym straight from the store. I know for a fact had I have gone home, high chance I aint gonna go to gym. Just the way I was feeling.

Ok, drive to the gym, sat in the car for 5 minutes, trying to convince myself to get off my ass and go work out.  Well one problem was it is nearly 85 degrees here. I couldn't leave the milk in the car for the hour, it would have got hot.  So, I put the gallon of milk in my work out bag, and forced my self to go work my fat ass off. So, off I went, milk in hand, (Cause it is cooler in the locker than the car) and worked my ass off. Yeah me, but I am glad I did it.It was about a 1 hr work out and the milk was just fine and cold.

I came home and ate my lunch, left over veggies, one bottle of water, protein shake. The I made a big pitcher of Iced tea. Yummmmmmmmm...       Now laundry and housework. :(

Friday and I am so exhausted

Mentally more than physically. I am having one of those days that I am feeling blue. Yesterday at work was killer exhausting. I am doing the job of three people, while the two are out sick. Plus an argument with my daughter(which is rare) really got me down. I came home last night and had no dinner just went to bed. Gave up, I guess you can say. I still feel really down. Plus the news article about the little Aussie boy who died after telling rescuers to take his little brother first. Broke my heart and it still aches. Damn I am so depressed.  Yesterday I had to work thru lunch so I didnt get my walk which I think would have really helped me mentally. Today come hell or high water (or the 80 degrees its suppose to be) I am going for a walk.

Doing well on the diet, ate my oatmeal for breakfast, cup of coffee and large bottle of water. I really need these 3 days off.

They are opening a Sprinkles near my work. I have heard about them. Its a cupcake place and I guess they are amazing. Hmmm. Sounds really good. Of course, they wont be seeing me. But it is still cool.
Tomorrow hairdresser, to get the grey out of my hair. Then gym, house cleaning, laundry and TV. It will be nice to air out of the house with the weather so nice. I might even make me a gallon of sun tea. Sweet!, No not sweet tea just "Sweet!" oh never mind.



PS made up with my daughter, we both get so upset when we fight, cause it is so rare, it really upsets us.It doesnt matter who is right or who isnt. It just not worth fighting.

The eve of Friday and a

Three day weekend. I want to thank Brett for the lovely award and again reminding me of my Reiki treatment. I can still feel the euphoria my body felt when finished. Honestly, everyone should do it. It is healing your soul and body. Which I sure could use today. Today I had 2 employee's call out sick. I will be putting in a 10 hr day. Which sucks, I get up at 5:10am and will be getting home about 5:30. Traffic is bad here so eeck 5 pm traffic jams.  Its a double coffee day to get started before my first meeting, and before patients start checking in.

You know thats ok, I do actually feel like I can handle the stress. I might treat myself to another Reiki soon.

Did double work out yesterday. Went for my usual walk which lasted 45 minutes, dont think I went farther, I think I was draggin a little. Then met my wonderful daughter at the gym and worked out with her and her roommate. It was a treat. I know boring blog today (TODAY!?!). Still draggin I guess. Take care

Results

OK, last night was my 1st day in this new class, love the people in it. They are all go getter's and really into losing weight. I need to be with people like that versus the other class. Their energy will connect with mine and I would rather have the more positive energy to keep me going. Well, I was surprised I lost 2.5 lbs. Which I am glad for even though I wanted it to be 5 lbs. I met with the doctor, who is a different MD from the one I use to meet with on Wednesday. Both are nice, but this one took the time with me because he saw I was a bit frustrated. He took the time to explain, that since I have increased my exercise (PA is what they call it) that my body will go into a bit of a shock state and hold the water more than usual. Since I was a couch potato for years I  can see his point, and since Allan gave me a kick in the ass with his direct approach to things. I did push the PA, almost doubled it. And the water intake was increased. So I will give my body some time to catch up. I mean really what choice do I have. I am not going to go back to my old ways. This is a life change(please God, let it be a life change). So my mood is better, I still have high hopes to go under 260 this week. I has been sticking to this weight for about 1-2 weeks with it going up and down daily.

If you need a giggle, read yesterdays comments from Brett. She is a kick!. I got a great laugh and I actually think that is when my mood started to change. I know it was an accident, and it was the laugh I needed. Thanks Brett, Luv ya

Tuesday

Have you ever got where you can't even remember what day it is, let alone the date. Geez, that happens a lot to me. Well staff still out sick, work still crazy. I worked out twice yesterday. Went for a 40 minute walk at work, then to gym after work for another 50 minute work out. Mostly treadmill. I am wondering if anyone knows the answer to this question? I am walking everyday between 1 mile to 1 3/4 miles in about 30-40 minutes including cool down period. But I cant jog and no way in hell run. I am quite content with a decent speed, about 3.0 on the treadmill. But is that still as effective versus jogging or running?

Well I continue to do great on diet and water/fluid, exercising still amazes me how I am doing.(Proud) but I swear I am not loosing weight and I am getting a little frustrated. I mean it will have been 3 months on the 13th, that I gave up fast food for this diet. (Not that I don't still dream of it) Man a carne asada burrito OMG. Disregard that fantasy. No candy no cookies, no cake, no yummies at all. I know I shouldn't get frustrated.  Lord grant me patience  and understanding please!

Monday blues

Welcome to Monday, and my employee called in sick. It is usually Monday or Friday. But not a damn thing I can do about it since they are covered by union.  Morning started off really really stressful. I drank my coffee(man, I needed that). Drank my quart of water. Ready to refill it. Now drinking my HMR protein shake. Man will I need that walk today at lunch. Crank some lil Wayne and pound the pavement.  I know, I dont look like the kind that would like Lil Wayne, but God help me I do. I know the music is dirty. But hey, at my age I could use a little dirty. I do truly love country. But not so much when I'm walking or treadmill. I need the beat to keep me moving my ass faster. I guess what ever it takes. I a hoping by tomorrows weigh in at my weightloss appt will be in the 250's. Please, please....... We should have a nice week this week weather wise, I hope everyone else does too.

Sunday-Allan

OK, weightloss was 2 lbs (which does equal 45lbs now since 10/13/10). Ya, Im happy that weight is off of me. I was hoping for a better loss. But TOM, is finally starting to leave. So, more is too come. When I weighed in last Wed nite with my weightloss MD,( mind you it is also higher since I weigh in at 5pm) I lost nuthing man, I was pissed. I told him I was going to be down 5 lbs the next time. He wrote down a number on what he I thought I was  goin to lose. Well we will see. Damn tho, I switched my weightloss class to Tues versus Wed for a couple of reason: 1) I could work out on Wed with my daughter (her weekends are Wed & Thurs). 2) This was a new class(classes go for 10-12 weeks ) and the new people in this class weren't as motivated as I was. I was the only one who worked out- and stayed in the plan. When the teacher asked for new goals from everyone, people were like, well I am going to try to work out for 10 min. Some were like, if my husband would stop putting cookies or candie out or what ever the fucking excuse was. You see, I have a different view of my weight issues. I own it. This is my problem. You could put a chocolate cake in front of me, if I eat it (which I wont) I should blame myself not the person who put it there.  So, I felt I really didnt belong in that class, so I switch. It is fun and exciting to be with a group of people who are motivated like myself.  I hope that does make me look bad to you guys. But  my weightloss program an classes are not cheap. I work hard for my money and I want this more than anything else.

So after that long winded post, I guess what I was saying that I still hope to make my 5 lbs weightloss even when it will be one day shorter.  Ok, drank two waters, ate my oatmeal and off to the gym . Good luck to everyone on the challenge, I really hope people lost more than I did this time. But wait til next week Baby!

Nice Saturday

Up early for a Saturday, showered, need to go to Costco for more Romaine and cases of water. Need to go to Walmart for some Coke Zero.. I dunno maybe I will pay the extra an just get it at Costco. Then to the gym for an hour. My goal today is to drink a ton of water as usually, maybe a bit more since my weight isn't moving due to TOM.(Really getting frustrated as I have not failed the diet or water ever). But not giving up. Then I am going to go to the gym this evening again and work out with my daughter. That better kick TOM ass.... I will let you know tomorrow for Allan's weigh in.  I really had high hopes after last week and the week before kick ass dieting and huge work outs each week. Fingers crossed.

Friday

Yes its Friday and as usually one of my employee's has suddenly come down not feeling well and calls in sick. Geez really? Oh hell why am I surprised.  Ok, doing great on the water and exercise. Kind a excited about Sunday. I would be so happy if I lost 2 lbs or more, that would bring me in the 250's.  I know what person in their right mind would be happy to weigh 250's... ah that would be me for right now.  I know TOM is here, ugg I am PMSie. But by then water retention should be gone.

Ok, last night was my Reiki. The lady was really sweet the environment was relaxing.She had explained that I might have all these emotional responses during it or after. She said some people sometimes cry and stuff and not be embarrassed. I said ok. I am not really sure what she expected from me, she asked me how it was and I said it was really relaxing.  She had asked a couple times during the treatment, that she kept clearing her throat and asked if I had a sore throat or if there was something I was holding back and not telling someone. I said no sore throat, and I couldn't think of anything I was not saying to anyone. hmmm. She said twice she lost her balance, and was asking about gait issues with me or out of balance somewhere. I said no, then I kind a felt sorry for her and said well maybe the out of  balance is that I have been working on my body for 3 months and I felt I needed to work on my mind and soul. (I don't know it sounded good, right?). She seemed happy and agreed. She stated that she really didn't feel any negative energy leave me while doing the treatment and that maybe it would take more.(Hell no, that is my negative energy and I earned it.). No seriously,  She said to drink plenty of water as soon as I go home. Of course, I guzzled two bottles right when I got home. Now don't get me wrong. I felt  amazing afterwards. I mean I was so relaxed. I could have gone to sleep. But of course, I had to cook dinner for family, and my own veggie dinner. But it was an experience that I might do again and again... who knows if I can get some extra cash. I would love it.

Results-No surprise

Ok, went to my weight loss center and weighed in. Let me first tell you that of course, before I weigh in I went to the ladies room to tinkle. And surprise....I found out why I wasn't going to lose weight. Hi Tom.

Ok, so I didn't lose, nor gain. By the time Allan's weigh in comes, I have my fingers crossed that I will show a weightloss. I was a little angry, mostly  PMSie. But I had a good night sleep and thought to myself "I did everything right and man I kicked ass on the exercise so it has to come down". I do feel better realizing this. In fact, I have even increase with walking 30+ minutes at work, then going to the gym. Truthfully it is exciting to see how much I have improved. I remember last summer, I climbed a small set of stairs and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I couldn't breathe. I hate to say this, but I am serious. I was scared. Now, I am doing the walk at lunch, which mind you I started out at only 10 minutes. Now 30 minutes is no problem, except needing once in awhile to find a potty, since I always have to pee. (Yes, I do go before I leave, lol). And at the gym I am at 1 and 3/4 miles each day. I am aiming for two miles each day. When I get there OMG. Plus I work out on the weights cause I have fat ugly saggy arms.( Ya the truth does hurt).  I have heard some people say that someday they are aiming to do  a 5K.   (Maybe I will too)

Tonight is my first ever Reiki treatment. I am so excited and truthfully I really need it.  I have only told my blogging friends and of course my daughter(who is my BFF).



Update: I just pulled an Allan......(poopy explosion). I think I just lost 10lbs. I know TMI

Weigh in tonight

I don't think I am going to see any loss tonight, which is depressing. The only thing I can think it is would be TOM might be here soon or ? Been sticking to diet, drinking all the fluids. Exercising like a maniac. Yesterday took a 40 minute walk at lunch came back had my diet meal and water. Then after work went to gym and worked out for 40-50 minutes. Came home had a wonderful romaine salad with a little red onion. tiny bit of low cal Italian dressing maybe teaspoon. I not a big fan of a lot of dressing. A little is just fine. Yet, this AM no loss. I have never not lost on my weigh ins for the last 3 months and never gained either. Ironically I passed on my son's BD dinner and his yummy looking chocolate cake. So damn! Oh well, we will see. I am feeling low though.  I know when TOM is near we have water retention, but I have such low sodium intake that I really shouldn't be retaining water.



http://menewin2009.blogspot.com/
Thank you Sheilah from Above. I guess I am to tell you 10 honest things about myself:

1) I am frightened that I will fail at losing all my weight.
2) I am afraid I will gain my weight back.
3) I dont have any true friends beside my kids.
4) I am tired of working. I have been at my job for nearly 25 years.
5) I am very, VERY, spiritual.
6) I have seen spirits, ghost and signs from those that have passed.
7) I usually will Never tell people about #6.
8) I am very insecure
9) I have one regret in life, and that is never finding my true love.
10) I wish I had more kids than two.

OMG coming back to work

Yesterday, first day back to work after 2 wonderful weeks off. By the time I got home my moods wasn't so good anymore. Went to work, tried to catch up on all the work sitting at my desk. Ugh! Went for a brief walk maybe 20 minutes or more on campus, had to get something at the campus book store. Without telling you the campus name, let me just just its a major University and the campus is massive with very few parking spots. Came back to work and drank my water. Left work and my plan was to go to they gym. I mean after all I went everyday while I was off and kick some ass there. Go to the gym and change into work out clothes. Get on the treadmill and realize this is going to be much harder than I anticipated. There is a huge difference going to gym after nice sleep, shower, peaceful morning versus a long ass day at work. But to give myself credit, I did it. I was there almost an hour. Did 1.75 miles on the treadmill at 3.0(which really fast for me). Then worked out on the equipment. By the time I get home, I am a bit cranky. Made myself a large salad which consistent of  romaine lettuce and 1 tble lowfat Italian dressing,(I'm not big on too much dressing at all) and a meal replacement (similar to a lean cuisine). I also put my fake crackers on my salad and pretended they were crouton. Hey, it was actually really good. Then had my fiber bar. Diet zero coke also. Get on the scale this am and I am up 2 lbs. WTF. Ok, not going to worry. Did not cheat at all, drank my water and I am only assuming it is TOM coming for a visit soon. But tomorrow it better be down that's for sure!

I was wondering, has anyone ever heard of Reiki.  I am going to have a Reiki treatment Thursday afternoon. It is sort of a massage but not really. It is for the mind and the soul and such. I know sounds like a Kooky Calif thing. But I swear it isn't  a Calif thang. (like how I left off the Kooky part, lol).  Actually it is a spiritual thing. Well, I am excited and cant wait.

Sunday and sunny with a chance of rain

Last night went really good. (No winnings tho). The guys wanted to go to the buffet and I say cool, I play slots. The line for the buffet was a fricking joke, crazy long. If fact, it took nearly 3 hrs for them to finally get seated. I couldn't have(would never have) stood in the line that long. So I played a little, came back to check on them. Still in line. So I thought I would walk around the place, which is huge. Hell, I even got lost. But I asked this nice (really cute) security guard to help. He does, and they are still in the fricking line, maybe half way now to go in. So I start walking around again, this time I go out and cross the street to the outlet center. Start walking around, did a little shopping. It was so bloody cold outside. But it is really beautiful. The Indian council has the outlet center looking just amazing and at night they have a lot of events and shows and such. It truly is one of the most beautiful places to shop.  Plus the gym was closed today, so I really needed to walk. I did buy this really awesome veggie peeler. Cant wait to peel some carrots, I think I will roast some for dinner tonight yum.  OK, so I finally go back to the casino and to the buffet. Holy shit they still haven't even got in. They are very close. So I just sit and wait for them( about 20 min more). They finally go in and about 40 minutes later they are done eating and come out to me.  Me and my boy go hit the slots. We finally had a blast. Still not winning, but getting to play a lot for the money. We finally leave about 8:00. We left home to get there about 2:45. The bulk of the time was them waiting in the line for dinner. I get home about 8:30 and I first thing was guzzle a bottle of water, then ate my dinner. I was tired when I hit the bed. Down in weight too, Sweet!

2011

Happy 18th Birthday to my wonderful and favorite son.(that always kills him since he is my only son). I wonder why kids never think mom is funny? I crack myself up all the time. Anyhoo, no resolutions to lose weight for the first time in 20 years. Why you ask? Because I am doing it and have no doubt it will continue. I do want to treat people better this year. But it's so frickin hard when there are so many frickin assholes out there. (Just joking) See I am funny.

Now one thing I truly want to happen is lose the depression. I miss my parents so much, it kills me daily. The thing is its been a few years and it still feels like yesterday. My parents and I were so close, after my mom passed, I was in shock for years it seemed. I then started helping take care of my dad, had him over all the time. He only lived about 10 minutes from me.  I think when he passed I lost a little of myself. You see, I found them both when they passed and I re-live it all the time. Don't tell me to get therapy, tried that, no success. Meds ya I am on it, you know what, it doesn't really help. Truthfully, I don't think its odd that someone misses the people they love for the rest of your life. I mean I am viable, I still go to work, still live daily. Just miss them terribly. Feel lonely a lot.

Sorry for the downer post. Don't know what got in me.

Well today will be fun, slot machines here I come baby! Wahooo