Monday, November 7, 2011

Today is a hard day

11/7/2003 my mom passed away. It feels like yesterday. I wonder if you ever get over the loss of your mom or dad. I sure haven't. My daughter and I have this incredible connection. My mom and I really didn't. I loved her with all my heart and miss her. But my mom had her demons. It was alcohol. I cant remember a time when she didn't suffer from it. Ironically, I use to drink a lot when I was young, like 16-21. After that, I realized what was going on. I like the taste of wine and beer and margarita's and such. But, I just don't drink anymore. It doesn't sit well with me. I remember when my kids were little, I rarely drank in front of them and never ever to excess. Funny, neither of my kids drink either. I guess that was what I aimed for. But, really I just didn't want them to see me the way I saw my mom.  I remember times when she gave it up for a few months and those were some amazing times for me. It was great when she was sober and I  mean really great. But those times were few and far between. But, now it is only the good times I remember. I will always miss her and wonder what caused her pain and made her drink instead of being a mom to me. Now, dont get me wrong I know she loved me. She did, I know that. But her demons were too strong and I just wasn't enough to save her.

Now all that is over and I would do anything to tell her I love her and I hope she has found peace from what ever haunted her.

4 comments:

Katie J ♥ said...

My dad has been gone for 12 years and it still hurts. I don't think you ever really get over it - you just learn to deal with it over time...

My mom was a drinker too (she is still alive) but quit over the last few years but the memories are still there from the years she did (very similiar to your situation)

*hugs*

Dawn said...

I am new to your blog and would like to follow along.
I am sorry you have lost your Mum, My mum is getting frail now, she is nearly 80 and I know I'm lucky still to have her.
I too gained my weight in a mid life crisis way. I've had to face I needed to change a lot about myself not just my eating habits but I'm well along the path I set out on now.
We all have bad days and its good to have followers to encourage and support. I should like to be a new one
Dawn

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

I'm sorry about you missing your mom. I SO can relate. It's good you can remember the good times and that you have stopped the trend of drinking and changed it with your own children.

I don't think we ever get over the loss of our parents. I think we learn to live with it and the pain gets less as time goes by but the missing them is always there. At least for me. Especially during challenging or amazing times of my life, I long to share it with them. Their loss becomes more tender at those times.

But we aren't the same people after we lose them, and somehow it must really all be for our good. We learn to value life and realize how precious it is. We learn not to take people for granted so much and to try and see the good.

I think most of all, for me, I've had to learn to turn to God more since my parent's aren't here. So maybe the Lord wanted me to draw closer to Him and I had to suffer the loss of my parents to do it. It's a hard lesson, but because HE loves me. Some lessons are bittersweet.

But oh, the day I see them again will be SWEET indeed!!

Hugs your way girl! Chin up, your mom is SO MAJORLY proud of you, I know it! She is smiling down and sending love your way, I'm sure. After all, you are her child!

God Bless..
~Margene

That corgi :) said...

I'm so sorry; I don't think we ever get over losing our moms or dads for that matter, but my dad passed away when I was only 18 months old so I have no memory of him. My mom will be gone five years in December and I would do just about anything to hear her voice one more time. I'm sorry about your mom's battle with alcohol and the demons in her life, but you are right, I am sure you were much loved! It is interesting what we glean from our parents, whether we choose to follow their way or not, but we really do pick up lots more from them then we realize until we take a look back on our lives. I know my mom suffered with depression and anxiety and she passed that to me; I wonder if she might not have been like that had my dad lived a longer life and didn't leave her a young widow with three children under five to raise alone (she never remarried nor even dated).

hugs to you!!!

at least it was a bit sunny today here.....

betty