Let me start off by saying that I am not giving up hope for things to get better. But, still with the impending loss of my brother and now more surgery for me, the odds are against me. I've been silent for a while, so let me tell you about it.
You might remember about a month or so ago, I thought I gave myself a hernia. I went to my doctor who put fingers everywhere they didnt belong. :( She found nothing. So, ok, I just pulled a muscle. Well two days after my brother told me his situation, I had gone to the doctors for something. On my way to work, traffic was just stopped bumper to bumper, and I realized that I just couldnt face it or work and I went home. Now, I never do stuff like this. But, mentally I was down and out. So, home I go. I get home and when I get stressed I clean house. So I am vacuuming and I pull out an end table to clean behind it. No problem it looked good afterwards. Well Saturday morning, as I am waking up. I am stretching and rubbing my belly (Dont we all do that?) and I feel a lump in my belly button. Crap. I am certain it is a hernia. So Tuesday back to the doctor. She is feeling it and thinking that perhaps this isnt a hernia but a tumor. Fricking great!
So Friday off to get an ultrasound, of course between Tuesday and Friday I catch this horrible cold from the spouse and my throat is killing me, fever galore. So Thursday at 11:15 pm, I get up take a large dose of Ibuprofen for the fever, because it is NPO after midnight. I wake up with a raging fever and gosh awful sore throat. It hurt to even swallow my own spit. I couldnt even take a sip of water due to my test. So I go to the ultrasound and the tech is really quiet doing my test. I said well if it is not a hernia, then it is a tumor. She said, I am sorry but I am not allowed to say anything. But the radiologist WILL be calling your doctor this AM with the results. Ok, is it just me or did that sound ominous? I start to go to work, since it is only 7:30 in th am. But, I am so sick, now scared that I go home. Seriously this is so not like me. About 5:30 that night, yes I waited all day, the on-call MD (My doctor doesnt work on Fridays) called and yes you have a hernia. She initially was just going to leave the results for my MD to call me on Tuesday when she gets in, but knew I was worried by the message I left for the doctor that AM. Bless that woman. OMG, I was so happy (?) . Now next Tuesday, I go for a CAT scan. I am hoping that it is minor and I can wait several months before surgery. Hey, I think people need to stay away from me because I must be cursed.
Well, tomorrow is April 4. It will be exactly one year since the fatal car crash. I cannot believe it. It still feels like yesterday. I drive past the site to and from work everyday. But, the flash backs are getting less and less. I wonder about the families and how they will be tomorrow.
Strangely, I havent weighed myself lately. I hope things are going down hill. My appetite sure has. I rarely eat dinner now and maybe will have a small lunch or breakfast.