I havent posted often lately, because its seems like I am always down in the dumps. My weight is stalled, even tho I keep walking my bootie off and I seem to always be hungry. So apparently I am not over eating and I eat the right foods.
I am also having a lot of PTSD, I keep feeling so low and I wonder if I did all I could have done for the boys in the car crash. I know its been two months, but its getting worse. I keep thinking if there was more I could have done, should I have done CPR on the one boy. I knew he was dead, but maybe I could have brought him back. I know the other boy had an unsurvivable injury. I dont want to say how I know because it is too horrific. But, what if I could have saved the other boy. I wonder if I did enough for the other kids. Did I give them enough comfort, did I let them know I cared and was there for them.
God, it is getting so much worse. I am even starting to cry more when I am alone. I know people say to get counselling. But truthfully, I dont think I want to talk about it, it will bring it all back to the forefront.
I dont want to talk about with people I know, because they probably think "get over it". Its really getting hard to cope.
I want to be positive here, and sometimes I say I am when I'm not. But, the truth is I am suffering and feel lost.