Friday, June 8, 2012

Not sure what to do anymore

I havent posted often lately, because its seems like I am always down in the dumps. My weight is stalled, even tho I keep walking my bootie off and I seem to always be hungry. So apparently I am not over eating and I eat the right foods.

I am also having a lot of PTSD, I keep feeling so low and I wonder if I did all I could have done for the boys in the car crash. I know its been two months, but its getting worse. I keep thinking if there was more I could have done, should I have done CPR on the one boy. I knew he was dead, but maybe I could have brought him back. I know the other boy had an unsurvivable injury. I dont want to say how I know because it is too horrific. But, what if I could have saved the other boy. I wonder if I did enough for the other kids. Did I give them enough comfort, did I let them know I cared and was there for them.
God, it is getting so much worse. I am even starting to cry more when I am alone. I know people say to get counselling. But truthfully, I dont think I want to talk about it, it will bring it all back to the forefront.

I dont want to talk about with people I know, because they probably think "get over it". Its really getting hard to cope.

I want to be positive here, and sometimes I say I am when I'm not. But, the truth is I am suffering and feel lost.

4 comments:

Paige said...

Hang in there! One day at a time. When you're ready to talk about it with someone, I believe you will. In the meantime, talk to God about it often. He can give you the comfort you need in knowing you did al that you could have that day.

Bless you,
❀ Paige
Finding Joy in the Journey

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

I'm sorry Gracie... that re-living and re-analyzing things has got to take it toll. Don't do that to yourself girl! You have to believe that you did just fine, that God is pleased with your efforts, and that He has those kids/folks in His Hands now. That's not a bad thing. They don't want you to suffer, He doesn't want you to suffer.

Maybe there is more going on that is making you bring this up in your mind. Counseling isn't a bad idea... just a short term option that might help you made sense of it.

If not that, then maybe on your own you could do some self-therapy, like diving into some POSITIVE THOUGHT books:
1. Life is Short, Wear your Party Pants - Loretta LaRoche
2. The 4:8 Principle - Tom Newberry
3. Wake up to a Happier Life - Amanda Dickson

Are 3 books that come to mind that have helped me when I've been in a funk.

Also POSITIVE MUSIC, and FUNNY VIDEOS. Laughter can really be good medicine.

And the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that helps me get over things like this is SERVICE. I lose myself in helping someone else - like visiting a neighbor who is sick, calling a family member who is suffering, taking a meal into a lady who just had a baby, etc.

Distraction is a great tool.

I will be praying for you Gracie. You can get through this. You are amazingly strong and courageous! You can do HARD THINGS!! :0

Love ya,
~Margene

That corgi :) said...

Talk to your doctor; maybe he can put you on something to help you as you process it all. Honestly, I think talking about it in counseling could be a good thing; maybe you need to keep bringing it up in the forefront to deal with it. Also honestly I would talk with you about it any time you wanted to talk about it too; you need a sounding board, someone to just listen and not say much but allow you to talk it out and not to bury it. You did the best you could for what you had to do at the time; don't keep second guessing yourself. I'll pray but continue to talk about it and if someone doesn't listen, put your thoughts down here; I think there could be healing with sharing it with others. I'm always an email away (Lv2trnscrb@aol.com)

hugs to you..........

betty

Bluezy said...

I feel for ya babe. You know yourself and if you are feeling physical signs of depression or PTS you do need to get medical help. People do get better, but with doctors, you will have all options given to you, I imagine.